Making Real Friends In A Phony World
by Jim Conway
Table of Contents
Part 1 Getting Ready for Friendships
1. Listen To Me
2. This Is Going To Be Fun!
Part 2 Qualities That Draw Friends to You
3. Why We Like People; Why They Like Us
4. What Do I Think Of Myself?
5. The Maturing Person
6. Qualities That Build Friendships
Part 3 Skills For Deep and Lasting Friendships
7. Skill #1--Attending: Focusing On Your Friend
8. Skill #2--Listening: One Part Of Communication
9. Skill #3--Talking: Another Part Of Communication
10. Skill #4--Empathy: Caring Enough To Send Your Very Best
11. Skill #5--Genuineness: Being Real In A Phony World
12. Skill #6--Affirmation: Passing On A Blessing
Part 4 Life Application
13. Putting It All Together
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Making Real Friends In A Phony World
by Jim Conway
an excerpt from Chapter one
You need to know that I continue to
struggle with a poor self-image. It's rather funny that people look at me as successful
and "all together," when deep within me is a nagging sense of insecurity from my
childhood. I realize lots of people grew up with some of the same problems I had--but that
doesn't change the reality that I felt insecure. My insecurity didn't start to go away
until I became a Christian a few months before I entered college.
As a child, I felt I didn't belong in the world of people. It was
as if I had come from another planet where the creatures didn't understand relationships.
Now I was here on earth--but without the foggiest idea about how to make friends. I didn't
feel as if I belonged in the world--or that people liked or wanted me.
The first school I attended was in Maple Heights, Ohio. I remember
frequently standing against the building in a sheltered corner of the playground during
recess periods, watching the other kids play together. I was the loner. I was the
outsider.
We moved to Cleveland and Ross became a friend. Ross was a year
older than I, bigger, confident and outgoing, and attractive to all the girls. He was a
born leader and was very intelligent. In many ways, Ross was everything I wanted to be,
and I was honored that he considered me his friend. Still, even though Ross was my friend,
I felt insecure. Yes, he was my friend, but could I depend on that? Would I always be his
most important friend?
People with poor self-images expect the worst--and the worst
always comes along. Ross was interested in magic and met another friend who shared this
interest. I was left out. "Alone again, naturally," as the song says. This
experience reinforced my feeling that I didn't belong.
I was no better off at romance. There was this terrifically cute girl
in Miss Listel's fifth-grade class. I mean she was a knockout for an eleven-year-old!
Unfortunately, I only loved her from afar. She was in love with Jimmy. He was another one
of those intelligent, good-looking, big boys. (You have to remember I was the shortest boy
in my class.) All Jimmy had to do was smile at girls and they fell at his feet.
Academically, I was also a failure. I was a D student. When I
finally graduated from high school, I was third in my class--third from the bottom. When I
had to take a test, I would say to myself, "You know you're going to fail this one
just as you've failed all the others. What's the use?" I was sick on the day I took
my IQ test and fell asleep during part of the exam. As a result, I was ranked as a
high-grade moron.
This book comes out of my insecurities and my struggles with
friendships. It’s and is my attempt to say to you, "I want to be your
friend." I want you to know there is hope. If you are going through some tough times
if it's been rough all your life, I want you to know that I understand--I've been there.
And I still struggle with my self image. I also want you to know me. I want you to know
that the things we'll share in this book are not just cute ideas I thought would look good
in a book. I feel your hurt--because I also bleed.
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