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Pure Pleasure

by Bill and Pam Farrel and Jim and Sally Conway

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    The faces are different, but the words are familiar.
"You are really lucky," said a husband to Bill.
"What do you mean?" Bill asked.
"You and Pam seem to have a really good time."
"You mean on our dates?" Bill probed.
"No. A really good sex life. I sure wish we had that."
    His wife, in a moment of vulnerability, approached Pam.
"I feel so alone. I feel used up. I feel like I want to give up on my marriage, yet something inside me says, no, not yet. I still love him. I want to be close. I want passion. I want sex to be a pleasurable experience. I want to feel alive and loved."
    "If it feels good, do it" has become the dominant philosophy about sex in our culture. But doing it isn't making people feel good. The sexual revolution had a profound effect on the young people of the sixties (baby boomers, born 1944-63), and it continues to affect their children (affectionately known as Generation X). The revolution left its mark on those who are adults today, and the next generation will also be deeply affected.
    In our (Bill and Pam's) experience in pastoring a church in Southern California, we have found a common frustration among married couples who sincerely desire an intimate relationship. Their previous sexual experience has sabotaged their efforts for a sexually close marriage.
    In our decades of marriage counseling, we (Jim and Sally) have met many who share these same dilemmas. As sexual activity outside marriage has increased, so has personal dissatisfaction.
    Some have been promiscuous because the philosophy under which they grew up said it was okay. Some have been abused by a relative, or "date raped" by a person who thought any sexual expression was his or her right. Others have been disappointed by the inability of their mate to meet the expectations which the media have fed us (and we have eagerly swallowed) about an intimate relationship.
    Over the years, a burden has developed in our hearts to offer realistic help to couples. Some couples have looked for fulfillment in casual relationships but now have come to the conclusion that maybe marriage will bring hope. They are restless sexually because the sexual revolution taught them that sexual expression was an inalienable right. They have trouble developing and maintaining intimacy because they have never learned the skills that are necessary for a long-lasting intimate relationship.
    Our desire in Pure Pleasure is to provide practical steps for a couple to practice which will encourage the development of intimacy skills. Our hope is that this will be a practical guide and workbook to empower couples to find the intimacy they are looking for.

©2002 Midlife Dimensions with portions © 1995, 1998, 2000, 2002 True World Access, Inc.