Midlife Dimensions for Midlife Crisis Issues



	Success Stories "Success Stories" are very encouraging to midlife couples who are struggling with marital stress. Your success story could be a great encouragement to others who wonder if there is any hope. If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email
HI...JUST A SHORT NOTE TO TELL YOU HOW YOUR BOOKS HAVE ENCOURAGED ME THROUGH THIS ROUGH TIME. 15 MONTHS AGO, MY HUSBAND TOLD ME HE DIDN'T LOVE ME ANY MORE,,,,AFTER 20 YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER.....I WAS DEVASTATED.....AND STARTED READING YOUR BOOKS....I THINK I WOULD HAVE GIVEN UP ON HIM A LONG TIME AGO, IF I HADN'T READ SO MUCH ABOUT MID LIFE CRISIS. THINGS ARE GOING WELL NOW, WE ARE DATING AND GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER AGAIN. I FEEL CONFIDENT THAT WE WILL BE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. ( HE MOVED OUT JAN. '03....) SO IT'S BEEN A LONG YEAR!! THANKS YOU SO VERY MUCH.....BETWEEN YOUR BOOKS AND MY PRAYERS, WE ARE FINDING THAT LOVE AGAIN. --Email, 3/22/2004 If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email

Over four years ago, my husband said he didn't want to be married anymore. Two weeks later he moved out while I was out. I begged him to reconsider, to get counseling, to work it out. He told me to get away from him, leave him alone, it was over, he was never coming back, he didn't love me, etc. I was just about destroyed. A therapist I was seeing at the time told me to divorce him - I stopped the therapy. My friends said divorce him and get on with your life. I found new friends. I told myself to get up and go for a walk, because if I didn't I might not get up again. I walked, I prayed, "Help me, God". Some days I walked 2 or 3 times (my walk is 3 miles) God answered me by leading me to "Men in Midlife Crisis" I picked it up and put it down 3 times before deciding to buy it - God wouldn't let me leave without it! The book led me to deciding to fight for my marriage, to a decision to love my husband in a new way, and to a decision to forgive my husband and to have compassion and understanding for him. And what a journey I've been on since then! My husband has been involved in several affairs, has experimented with drugs, drinking, has been at different times angry, suicidal, unavailable to his family and to his business, in short, a man in severe midlife crisis. He told me over and over that he'd never go for counseling and no way would he ever take antidepressants. It's been a real rollercoaster ride. A year and a half ago he filed for divorce. 24 hours before a hearing that most likely would've resulted in the divorce being final he stopped the proceedings for a year and agreed to see a doctor and to go for counseling. During the last 6 months he has given more and more consideration to reconciliation, we've talked more openly with each other, and he has thanked me several times for "not being like most women would be". Two weeks ago he asked what it would be like if we got back together, and a week ago he hugged me and told me he loves me! I've always believed in God, thanked him for things like beautiful sunsets and my babies, I've always prayed when I needed special help; but I believe God wanted a closer, deeper relationship with me and has used this whole marriage crisis to draw me to Him. He has been faithful to His promises to help me through this, and now he is bringing my husband closer to coming home. It's not over yet, but I have faith that God is working a miracle in our family. God does hear our prayers and he does answer them. All we have to do is obey him and HAVE FAITH and be patient. He will give us all the help we need. He has changed me and he is changing my husband. I know he is leading us to a better and more loving marriage than we had before. --Chat Room Friend, 1/3/2004 If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email

Tom my only sibling. He is 60 years old. I am just thirteen months older. We came from a broken home and both parents were alcoholics. Our dad died in 1980 and mom in 1983. As a girl I fared a little bit better in their treatment of me and being able to cope. My brother suffered a great deal more, a lot of mental, emotional and physical abuse from our dad. Tom has had a hard time dealing with dad's death, wanting to believe that dad loved him and was proud of him and not being able to resolve any of that. I became a Christian in 1974 and from that time on have shared my faith, I've prayed for Tom all of these years, but with him in Cleveland and me in San Diego he has not seen much of my "new life in Christ." When I tell him things he has always had a hard time believing it, thinks I'm the same old Judy just giving him a song and dance, trying to tell him what to do. Tom is a Vietnam Vet, lost his left leg and right foot in a mine explosion in 1966. He was married with three sons, had a messy divorce and has no contact with his three sons, married again and has two daughters ages 21 and 22. He's had major health issues over the years, heart bypass surgery, additional surgeries on his legs, he recently had serious heart trouble, aneurysms fixed and arteries repaired, he smokes a couple packs of cigarettes a day, (still!!) and is an alcoholic. He's depressed, at the end of his rope and his wife wants a divorce. She's had it, she says. He decided to visit us, he needs time to think, he wants some answers, he's looking for help. He arrived here on a Saturday two weeks ago. We have been praying for the Lord to prepare his heart and for wisdom to know how to proceed. Well, Tom came to church with us on Sunday and this was the first message after all of the fires in the San Diego area. Several of our church family members were affected and the message was quite emotional. The music and message touched my brother's heart and afterwards he said, "I've been going to the Catholic Church for many years and it's all about religion. Today I saw that your church is all about people." Now, two months ago Dr. Conway, I ordered your tape that was aired on Focus on the Family. I wanted to send it to my brother, but I hesitated. I figured he'd just toss it in a drawer. That's what he's done with other stuff I've sent. As he went back to his hotel room that night I handed him the tape and a tape player and asked if he would listen to it and he said it would. He came over the next morning and I asked him if he listened to it. He said, " I sure did. I've never heard anyone tell a story like that. That man is me on that tape." He was very encouraged and in fact he said, "I've had a heart change. I can see what a jerk I've been and hope my family will accept my apology and forgive me." He identified with it all, your school experiences and everything. I had to keep closing my mouth because it kept dropping open. He called us from his hotel room that night and said he wanted to accept Jesus, and so he prayed to receive Christ right then. He just left today to go back home and these are some of his comments over the past couple of days. He wants his wife to listen to your message so she can see where he's coming from. He's reading his Bible, he says he's excited about the rest of his life. He says he's been transformed and he's receptive, almost eager for advice. I never thought I would see my brother act like this or say these things. We've found a church for him in his area, equipped him with a Bible and other reading material. I watched him get on that train and prayed, "Lord, this is going to be hard for him. He's going back to what brought him down. Strengthen hi m, equip him, open his eyes and ears to your word as he reads and studies for the first time in his life. I pray he's passionate and faithful and keeps his commitment. And that more than anything he will know that You Lord, love him with an everlasting love, You have a plan Lord and You will never leave Him. --Email, South Carolina 4/22/2003 If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email


Hi Jim, I have another angel story to share with you. As most of you know, I work for Walt Disney World. There is a section where artists will paint your portrait if you wish. The artists use our breakroom and I have gotten extra close to one of them. Her name is Julie and she is very special. She has Bible verses written on index cards. When she is not busy and during our slow times, she lays the index cards in her lap and "reads" her Bible. We have had many conversations surrounding the Bible and you better believe that lady knows it from cover to cover. Julie made a comment to me one day about how I radiate joy from my heart. She said that I am always so happy and have a smile on my face. I told her the reason for that is because God resides in my heart and it's His light shining through me. She loved that comment and our relationships with God have been our bond. When I got back from our Midlife Dimensions retreat in March, Anne was the first to notice that I was glowing more than normal. She asked me where I had been and what I had been up to. I finally spilled the beans to her about my husband being in MLC and that we have been separated for over three years. I then told her that I went to the most wonderful retreat the past weekend and met the neatest ladies (and gentleman) in the whole wide world. I told her about everyone's testimonies and how we prayed for each lady, rejoiced by singing for some, and how the Holy Spirit's presence was with us the entire time. I shared my testimony (the one I gave at the retreat) with her and she was in total awe. She said she never would have dreamed how much pain I have been through because it doesn't show one bit. She said that I am one of the happiest, most content people she ever knew. Of course she knew where that came from, it has been the Lord's give to me. Anne went on to share with me that several years ago she went through midlife crisis. She said that she wasn't as lucky as my husband, because her husband didn't stand for her and they were divorced. How she regrets that had to happen. It saddens her deeply to this day. She also told me that she has many regrets from her MLC. She said that she caused alot of pain and hurt so many people during that time. She also said that during the five years her MLC lasted she ran away for a year to go hiking, all by herself. But the worst part of all of it was that she was so confused and just couldn't find her way out. I think that is what we have to remember right now. Our husband's are giving us they best they can. They, like Julie, are so confused right now they just can't find their way out. But with time, like Julie, they will come through this. And when they do come through this, do you know how blessed they will feel to have their spouse waiting for them on the other side? What a gift we have to offer them. I hope my story has helped you. I know it doesn't take away the pain, but it is my hope that it will help you maintain your focus. Love to all, --Chat Room Friend, 4/25/2003 If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email

Dear Mr. Conway, My name is Emily and I wanted to write and thank you for being God's messenger in helping to heal my marriage. My husband, Mike, and I have been married now for 31 years. We have two wonderful sons, a lovely daughter in law, and a grandchild on the way in early September, 2003. We are in a fulfilling, comforting, secure, and happy marriage. It has not always been that way. My husband is a very logical, detailed, goal oriented person. When we married this suited me fine. I am more of the emotional, "big picture" kind of person and allowed him to make most of our major decisions. I am also 10 years younger and appreciated his "take charge" demeanor. Well, you can probably write the rest of the story without my telling it. To say the least, the years have been trying at best. I needed to feel more of his equal but only sounded whiney when trying to express my thoughts and feelings. He became the "turtle" trying to hide from what he perceived as my "attacks" on his competency as a husband. Needing to improve my self confidence, I went back to school and graduated from a Medical University with a BS in physical therapy in 1992 at the age of 40. He was very supportive and I appreciated his help during this time but as soon as I started working and returned to "the home life" our roller coaster ride continued. I realized the lull during physical therapy school was because I didn't have time or energy to "need anything emotional from him!" We had been through counseling throughout the years and it would help for a while but then our old patterns of poor communication would return. One day, several years ago, my husband came home and said he was through. He wanted a separation. Our younger son was a freshman at college and our older son was engaged to be married in 8 months. We both agreed it would be terrible to inflict this on our family at what should be the most glorious time, so we lived as roommates with the distance and silence like a slow death. I cried every day for months... finally, one day, I got on my knees and prayed, "Dear God, I am turning my marriage over to you. I do not know what to do anymore. I can't stay in the marriage like this but I can not leave, for you know I still love Mike, and in my heart I know he loves me. I will do what ever you say, but you will have to give me the strength to do what ever it takes. Strength to go or strength and guidance to stay. Amen. I have prayed all my life, Mr. Conway. I have had faith in God and turned to him through many difficult times, but this time there was a complete letting go and the relief I felt after that prayer was amazing. Now to the really good part. The next day I went to Walmart for something, I don't remember what. I rarely went anymore, but there I was ...at Walmart. For some reason I walked by the book section and your and Mrs. Conway's book, Traits of a Lasting Marriage jumped out at me. I had read many self help and marriage books through the years and I certainly wasn't in the frame of mind to read any more but something made me pick up your book.. As I glanced through it tears started rolling down my face because every page I looked at spoke directly to me. "Work on your marriage. You can heal a broken marriage. Be willing to accept your part in the break down. Be willing to forgive. You can have the marriage you want." I actually looked up to see if God was hovering above because I felt His presence so strongly. I was also drawn to an abbreviated version of Stormie Omartian's The Power of a Praying Wife. As I picked it up, the page I turned to said, "Lord, help me be the wife my husband needs." I left Walmart with nothing in my hands but your book and hers. I certainly did not want to hear that I was supposed to make any changes or work harder on this marriage. I had felt very hurt and wanted Mike to humbly beg my forgiveness for all his insensitivities. During my reading, God specifically humbled me and told me to accept the role I played in not being the wife my husband needed. Then God worked another miracle. Without approaching Mike about anything that had happened, (I was still reading and trying to figure out what God wanted for me) Mike asked me if I would consider making a list of things it would take for me to stay in the marriage. He had asked this about a month earlier and I was so empty emotionally I had said no. Now, after my little talk with and encounter with God, I eagerly said "yes". We each wrote our list. The next night we sat down to discuss the lists and, amazingly, they were almost identical. We both wanted and have always wanted the same thing .... respect, consideration, affection, comfort, safety to say, do, and be who we are. Using your book as our guide, (I went back and bought 2 more copies,) we counseled with our minister. Chapter by chapter we were able to discuss, confront, forgive and heal; and we laughed through it all. God gave us new hearts for each other and enriched our marriage more than we could imagine. Our minister has used the book countless times for other counseling sessions. Mike and I have given the book to numerous friends and are in the process of teaching a 6 week Sunday School lesson on marriage enrichment using your book as the guide. Doesn't God have a wonderful sense of humor? That has been several years ago and the joy and happiness we share now is what I believe God wants for all married couples. I feel compelled to share my story because I want everyone to know God's miracles do happen. How can I ever thank you and your dear late wife for writing this book for me! It's funny, Walmart does not even carry the book any more. I know it was there that day as part of God's plan. His grace is amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Enclosed is a picture of my family that you indirectly helped keep together. May God continue to bless you with your wisdom and writings. With much gratitude --Letter, South Carolina 4/22/2003 If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email

I wrote to you about 3 years ago -- my husband and I had been separated on and off for about 7 years. During that time he would go back and forth between myself and another woman. My husband has returned to me and my two teenage daughters. His heart has completely changed--he is a new man. It took my surrendering him to the Lord completely and I kept my "hands" off. The Lord went to work and delivered my husband back home to us this past Christmas 2001. What a Miracle! Please continue to pray for our marriage, it gets better every day. --Letter, California 8/9/2002 If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email

I shared this praise report a few weeks ago. Someone who used to come to the chat room had a breakthrough. She used the Matthew 18 principle of confronting someone about sin. She confronted her husband, who was a Christian, and asked him point blank to stop his affair, repent, and work on their marriage. He said NO. She went to two elders in their church who confronted him. He broke down and changed at that point. He broke off the affair, went for counseling, and started working on their marriage. He was mad at her at first, but now he isn't. Be encouraged, I realize it may not work in every case, but if they do confront their mates, God can use it to change them and work miracles. --Chat Room Friend, Virginia 7/12/02 If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email

"Thanks for the marriage conference in West Yellowstone last weekend. Your transparency was tremendously challenging. I also sensed true humility as you discussed your personal failures. On the last day when you shared "Your greatest regret in your own marriage", you challenged me to really honor my wife--and to guard my eyes from lust. I want my marriage to succeed." --Email 5/22/02 If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email

"Dear Jim: I just finished reading Women in Midlife Crisis. It is astounding--It really struck my needs! I'm an avid reader, but all of my hundreds of self-help books only gave me a smidgen of help compared to your great book. Just the simple equation in your book which says, 'depression generally comes from some loss'--helped me more than words can say. My life, my emotions, and everything are about to change for the better -- thanks to you. God bless you, I'm eternally grateful." --Email 4/28/02 If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email

"Just a short note to thank you for your prayers and to let you know that once again the Lord has answered! Thank God! When I last wrote to you a few months ago things looked pretty hopeless. My husband had suddenly moved out and filed for divorce. That was about 18 months ago. Many things have happened in those months. My husband did go through with the divorce. Then one day he quit his job. A few months later I began to notice him changing, but he still wouldn't admit he wanted to come back home. Then one night he called me for help. He was having a heart attack. It was then that my husband told me he still loved me and asked me, and the Lord, to forgive him!! Praise the Lord! He is now recovered and doing well. We have remarried, and I can't thank the Lord enough, and thank all of you for praying too. --Email If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email

"I have long wanted to thank you and tell you that your ministry, along with God and prayer, saved my marriage and family. God does work miracles, and he uses people like you as instruments." -Illinois If you would like to email us your success story, to add to this growing page please Send us an Email