Midlife Dimensions


Thanksgiving - 11/26/09

5:02 kbird: Pualani: Happy Thanksgiving to you...haven't been to chat for quite some time, but thought I would pop in. Unfortunately I have not been one of those great success stories. My husband did go through with the divorce

5:05 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Kbird - the story isn't over yet, so the success isn't determined either, a divorce is a piece of paper but not anything final, there are actually many who divorce and later remarry.



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3:57 Pualani [Facilitator]: Hello everyone and welcome to the Special Thanksgiving Chat for the next 4 hours.

3:59 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello everyone, welcome to chat, please share your blessings and what you are thankful for with us.

3:59 Pualani [Facilitator]: Heavenly Father, we have so many reasons to thank you for all that you have blessed us with. We thank you for the Covenant of Marriage and for stating that you HATE divorce. Thank you for bringing each of us to MLD for support and to speak to us through your word. Thank you for one another and for enabling us to stand for the restoration of our marriages and our families. Thank you for giving us the heartfelt desire to continue to stand for our marriages even after restoration, as this will be an ongoing commitment to you and to our spouse and families. Giving all glory, honour and praise to you in Jesus' most Holy and Precious name, amen.

4:00 Pualani [Facilitator]: 3:59 Swanlakejgs: Hello Swan! Have you eaten your meal? I had the same as you and thought of you as I ate it. (((((((HUGS)))))))

4:01 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - I have, enjoyed it a little bit ago and it really hit the spot, tasted just as I remembered.

4:02 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - mine is a four cheese - no Velveeta, but so creamy and full of flavor.

4:02 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:01 Swanlakejgs: Mine was lovely, too! Thanks for your recipe I will experiment with it. I am not a confident cook, but I do enjoy trying something new.

4:03 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:02 Swanlakejgs: Oh wow Swan, I bet it was lovely!

4:04 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: the sweet potato casserole is really easy, you don't need to be a confident cook, it is almost able to be made with eyes closed, you'll do great when you make it.

4:04 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - it is usually a side dish even though it is called casserole.

4:07 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:04 Swanlakejgs: A casserole here would be something like a stew, but cooked in a casserole dish rather than a saucepan. Your recipe sounds like what we'd called a 'bake'

4:07 Pualani [Facilitator]: I've just checked my phone and my S has text to say goodnight and that he loves me :-)

4:08 Pualani [Facilitator]: Swan, what has your weather been like today?

4:08 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - when you asked in your email if it was sweet, I kind of figured the word casserole was a confusion for you.

4:08 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:08 Swanlakejgs: Yes, it was!

4:10 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - how sweet, he is at that age were he goes from happy and upset in an instant, but they always still love us and eventually say it. Glad he let you know he was thinking of you.

4:10 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - in the low 40's and overcast, but no rain yet.

4:10 Pualani [Facilitator]: I say tomato, you say tomato!

4:11 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Well actually I also say tomato - ha ha.

4:11 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:10 Swanlakejgs: Dark here! It was an overcast day with light rain showers. We've had a lot of wind as well - weather that is!

4:11 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - or should I say - tomadda

4:13 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:11 Swanlakejgs, 4:11 Swanlakejgs: Ha! Ha! I say t-mart-o, not tom-ay-toe!

4:13 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:13 Morwenna: Tomadda is different again :-D

4:14 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Tomorrow is what they call Black Friday here, the biggest shopping day of the year and a total mad house, I am staying out of that mess as well. I have actually seen people get into physical fights because the stores only put out so many of an item during the sales.

4:15 Pualani [Facilitator]: Tell me Swan, what are you thankful for today?

4:16 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: I say it t-mart-o, was just making a hillbilly gest with tamadda, that is how many say it here in the Ozarks.

4:16 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:14 Swanlakejgs: I only learned of Black Friday a couple of years ago. I am not that keen a shopper to could go to the shops so early, or fight over wares!

4:16 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - I am thankful for the blessing of health, peace and contentment the Lord has given me this year.

4:17 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:16 Swanlakejgs: Didn't Laura of LHOTP live in the Ozarks at one time?

4:17 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:16 Swanlakejgs: Amen to that!

4:17 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - I’m with you, not really a shopper and I really don't like doing so in a crowded place with insane angry people.

4:18 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:17 Swanlakejgs: My favourite shops are Craft ones and that's the only type of shopping I like to get. I know you have some huge ones over there.

4:19 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - yes, in fact just about an hour from my house is her homestead. Not the television version, but the actual homestead her family and then her and her husband lived at.

4:19 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: So what are you thankful for

4:20 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:19 Swanlakejgs: She and Almanzo went further west than her parents didn't they?

4:22 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: They did, but as they got older they returned to this area and settled, Almanzo passed a few years after the move. One of her grand or great grand children still lives in the area, owns the land and has the two homes open for tours.

4:23 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:19 Swanlakejgs: My God and Saviour and the closeness I've enjoyed with Him over this journey. Also my H, family and friends. My H and my family have always been my life's focus - I dedicated my life to them. Now my Lord comes first and it feels so right!

4:23 sbky: hello

4:24 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - the home here (the more modern, which was built when they moved back) was were she wrote most of the books at.

4:24 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:22 Swanlakejgs: My dear friend in MN sends me LHOTP stuff. She sent me a cat figurine made of beeswax in Sleepy Eye

4:24 Pualani [Facilitator]: Hi sbky and welcome to chat!

4:25 sbky: Pualani thanks.. Happy Thanksgiving..

4:25 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:25 sbky: Happy Thanksgiving!

4:26 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - I have not been to the MN site, but have toured this one and there is one in Kansas we went to 25 or so years ago. I have read and love all of her books.

4:26 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello sbky and Happy Thanksgiving - so what are you thankful for this year?

4:27 sbky: swanlake.. my family. including my h.

4:27 sbky: Swan.. and my growth

4:27 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:26 Swanlakejgs: I've only read a couple of the books, but I've studied Laura's real life a little. I love Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes and I know he was a favourite writer of hers.

4:29 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:27 sbky: My Pastor was commenting on my growth only recently and today I thanked the Lord for this opportunity to learn more about him and have the opportunity to see just how much I can trust him with, for my life.

4:30 Pualani [Facilitator]: sbky - those are wonderful things to be thankful for and just as the Lord calls us to praise in the storms being thankful for those who hurt us is such a blessing to them, but more to us to have Christ's heart alive within us.

4:30 Pualani [Facilitator]: sbky, Swan and I have shared a Thanksgiving meal an ocean apart!

4:31 sbkyPualani I just spent 2 1/2 hours with my h and his family at his aunts dinner

4:31 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:30 Swanlakejgs: AMEN!

4:31 sbky: Pualani I wasn’t gonna go. but his cousins wife asked me last night if I was going. so I decided to go

4:31 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:31 sbky: That's wonderful to hear!

4:32 sbky: Well not with each other. but he was there..I have been getting what the group calls winks form God and more today

4:32 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:32 sbky: Well praise the Lord for those winks!

4:33 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: sbky - Praise the Lord, I am glad they still include you and that you went, you are a part of their family and they are stating that loudly, maybe one day your husband will be able to see that too.

4:33 sbkyPualani I answered the phone at my mil's twice today and usually he says.. where’s mommy.. today he just talked.

4:33 Pualani [Facilitator]: Sbky, would you like to share what sort of winks you've had?

4:34 sbkyPualani the calls.. and him not biting my head off if I offer to fix him food. he actually took me up on the offer last weekend..

4:34 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:33 sbky: That's great!

4:35 sbkyPualani he even asked my daughter if we had some floss at our house. that is new.. he won’t use anything from our house. I know those are little but definitely different

4:36 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:34 sbky: PTL! I’m at the 'going black' (is that how Cricket describes it?) stage with my H. I've backed right off and tonight was the first time to see or speak to him in months. If looks could kill, I'd be dead by now!

4:37 sbky: Pualani me and my h are around each other .. I live next to his parents and me and the kids always eat over there. but we usually ignore each other

4:37 sbkyPualani for three and a half years we ignore each other

4:38 sbky: Yoli Happy Thanksgiving

4:39 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:35 sbky: They are baby steps and in the right direction

4:39 Pualani [Facilitator]: Oooh, I don't know what happened to my post then. I clicked return and nothing has shown up on screen

4:39 Yoli: sbky: Hey, how are you? Happy Thanksgiving to you. Did you have a great day? It was a beautiful day here.

4:39 sbky: Pualani I think they are.. same kinda little things I noticed when he went to other way

4:40 Pualani [Facilitator]: It's OK, now it has!

4:40 Yoli: Pualani : You don't show up on the side as being here. But then you know that right?

4:40 sbky: Pualani the kind of thing that only I would notice

4:41 Pualani [Facilitator]: I hadn't noticed I wasn't on the side, Yoli. Hello and Happy Thanksgiving!

4:41 Yoli: Swan, Pualani : I really need to be slapped around guys. I’m trying so very hard not to look at the circumstances. It's tough. My older daughter was in tears last night. Said she never thought she would have to have 2 different Thanksgivings and

4:42 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:40 sbky: Yes and he would know that as well...

4:43 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:41 Yoli: Yoli I can't slap you - I'll give you a (((((((HUG))))))) instead!

4:43 Yoli: Swan, Pualani : cont-Christmas. She said her dad didn't care about her or sister. Said he cares more about his nieces than his own daughters. Said that she's taking 3 different meds to try and cope with life as a result of dad's choices. Apparently

4:43 sbkyPualani he also dropped my daughter off at my sisters the other night. my sister had him come in and see what they had done to their house.. me and the kids went home. he stayed for two hours and visited with my mom and sister.. than he sent my cont

4:43 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hi Yoli - started to say hope you are having a good day, but instead - SMACK right across the chops

4:43 sbky: Pualani he sent my daughter a message on the net. she asked where he was. he said.. I am still at my sister’s, than he said well I just got home..

4:44 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:43 Yoli: That's sad for your D, how old is she?

4:44 Yoli: Swan, Pualani : cont-he tells her that she brings it on herself. Then she talked about how he would not have invited the girlfriends parents if he wasn't serious about the gf. I am concerned about daughter. I know there's nothing I can do about h.

4:45 Yoli: Pualani :22. They have both taken it bad but she has more of the physical effects. She said she hasn't slept in 72 hours because of all the anxiety she feels. She's torn between being with him and being here with me. I don't force either one.

4:45 Yoli: Swan: Yeah, you're absolutely right about right across the chops. Do it right now. I really need it.

4:46 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:45 Yoli: It's good that you don't do. All you can do is give her a huge hug, tell her you love her no matter what and pray for her

4:47 Yoli: Swan, Pualani : They supposedly went to Michael's to buy some buttons. But daughter took her dog with her and they've been gone 1 hr already. I don't think this store would be packed right now. Dog also wouldn't have gone. Why is everything a secret.

4:47 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:43 Swanlakejgs: Swan - I’m shocked I thought you were so gentle!!!

4:47 sbky: yoli, our Michaels is right next to pet world

4:47 Yoli: Pualani : Thanks. Yeah can you believe how violent Swan can be?

4:48 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:47 Yoli: Because satan is the father of lies and Jesus is the way the TRUTH and the life

4:48 Yoli: sbky: Yeah so is this one. But her dog is like a horse. I don't think she would leave him in the car. I heard her say she was leaving and taking dog. See my sister brought her dogs and I can't stand all the yelping going on.

4:49 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - did I ever tell you that I spent a few years on active duty in the Marine Corps plus 25 years as a Marine Wife! I can be gentle, but when in need...

4:50 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:48 Yoli: We can take our dogs into the Pets At Home stores. I took my Dobie in to get him a Halti head collar - I needed to get the right fit for him. I hoped no other dogs would be there at the same time - he's not good with other dogs

4:51 sbky: I am gonna go for a bit. my mom needs me to sew some stuff..

4:51 Yoli: Swan, Pualani : Daughter also said that gf tries to give her relationship advice. She said she wants to say to her, yeah right you're 46 yrs old and have never married, why should I listen to you. Then her parents went to eat with h. My God thank

4:51 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - actually this year several stores started the shopping craziness tonight, so if they are open, they are most likely in on that and since they sell Christmas trees, ornaments, etc. they might be.

4:51 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:51 sbky: Chat is on for 4 hours so feel free to check back later.

4:51 Yoli: Swan, Pualani : cont-you since this is part of your plan. Thank you, thank you.

4:51 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:49 Swanlakejgs: Ha! Ha!

4:51 Yoli: sbky: By, hope you have a good night.

4:53 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:51 Yoli: I was confused then - I thought gf was grandfather, not girlfriend!

4:54 Yoli: Pualani : Sorry, I meant girlfriend. Was I using the wrong abbreviation?

4:55 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - the other women just do not really get it, my husband's also tried to be buddies with my children and daughter in law. The girl tolerated it for a while, son never did, asked his dad to tell her to stop calling him 20 times a day to talk, he has a job and isn't sitting around on his butt all day like her. They want to fit in and figure the kids is the best way, if it doesn't work then they often try to separate the father and children too.

4:55 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:54 Yoli: Not at all. I use OW as that's what she is to ME even if she's my H's GF.

4:57 Yoli: Swan: Well this is the OW that he took to Las Vegas with older daughter and older daughter's boyfriend. So yeah he's trying really hard to get the girls to like her, but it's not ever going to work.

4:58 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello Cricket and kbird, welcome glad you have jointed us tonight.

4:58 Cricket [Facilitator]: Hi all, I hope you are having a nice holiday. Do know that your spouses are thinking of you even if there is no indication of this. THEY ARE... Things are not so happy for them as we imagine, they are filled with memories and guilt or misery.

5:00 Yoli: Cricket: Hey, how are you? Did you have a good day? Thanks for these words. I really need to hear them.

5:00 Pualani [Facilitator]: 4:55 Swanlakejgs: The OW put a tattoo transfer on my S and I was so cross! H and I both dislike tattoos, but OW asked S if she could put a Henna Tattoo on him. My S asked me and I told him she couldn't, due to the risk of skin sensitivities which as a trained complimentary therapist she should have known, so she put a transfer on instead.

5:00 Pualani [Facilitator]: Hi Cricket and kbird and welcome to chat. Happy Thanksgiving!

5:01 Cricket [Facilitator]: All - I’m still with my family staying in an RV Park where we met. I rented an RV and they drove theirs down here. I don't have long before they'll be ready to leave but wanted to come in.

5:02 Morwenna [Facilitator]: kbird are you new to chat? Or have we not been on at the same time?

5:02 kbird: Pualani : Happy Thanksgiving to you...haven't been to chat for quite some time, but thought I would pop in. Unfortunately I have not been one of those great success stories. My husband did go through with the divorce

5:02 Cricket [Facilitator]: Yoli - It is sad how the OW tries to manipulate everyone around them, but we really can't focus on that. Yes God is working in all of this. The important thing is to encourage and support your kids as they do struggle.

5:03 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:01 Cricket: Did you drive your RV there? Is it huge like the one on Meet The Fockers?

5:04 Cricket [Facilitator]: kbird - I know it' s hard when they get their divorce but there are may stories of those who restore marriages after divorce. My H divorced me, married the OW but has since divorced the OW and began reconnecting with me. It is hard, but God is bigger than all of this.

5:04 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:02 kbird: As Cricket can vouch, that's not the end of the story. My H has notified me of his intention to divorce me.

5:04 Cricket [Facilitator]: ALL - Oh I’m sorry, they just came to get me – quicker than I expected. I'll try to check in again later.

5:04 Cricket [Facilitator]: You are all in my prayers.

5:05 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Kbird - the story isn't over yet, so the success isn't determined either, a divorce is a piece of paper but not anything final, there are actually many who divorce and later remarry.

5:05 Yoli: Cricket: Thank you for this. Why is it that my daughters seem to keep things secret, like going to dad's house right now. I get mad at not being told. I don't care if they go, I've never kept them from seeing him.

5:05 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: thank you Cricket - drive safe.

5:05 Cricket [Facilitator]: Yoli - They keep secrets only because they worry about you and feel caught in the middle.

5:05 Cricket [Facilitator]: By all

5:05 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:05 Yoli: I guess they feel you won't be so hurt

5:06 Yoli: Cricket: Bye, be careful.

5:06 Pualani [Facilitator]: Bye Cricket!

5:09 Pualani [Facilitator]: All, have you seen the Indescribable DVD? I saw it at Church and when I saw the enormity of space I realised sorting out hurting marriages is so simple for God to do. When I lie in bed at night I imagine I’m facing out to space and I know that God is out there, with his hand on everything and it will all be OK in the end

5:09 helping [Facilitator]: Hello everyone

5:09 Yoli: Pualani : Yeah, I've always felt that they are caught in the middle of this mess, but primarily because their d makes demands on them. I've never done or said anything at all.

5:09 Pualani [Facilitator]: Hi helping, good to see you again

5:09 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - they are most likely trying to protect you, I know my son once told me that his dad used to say to them, don't tell your mom you were here today, it will hurt her and she doesn't need to be hurt more. They told him numerous times, it didn't upset me at all, in fact I encouraged them to keep their relationship with their dad regardless of what that mean and with whom. Husband just didn't seem to hear them, MLC hearing often doesn't hear anything outside of what they think.

5:09 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hey helping, glad you are here

5:10 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:09 Yoli: That's the best way to be Yoli, you are doing exactly what's right for your children

5:10 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; Hello, boy am I fighting to stay awake but it way too early to think about going to bed right now...

5:11 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helping - that is what naps are for - LOL

5:11 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:10 helping: What time is it for you?

5:11 helping [Facilitator]: Swanlake; Hello

5:11 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; 8;11 pm

5:12 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; If I went to bed now I'd be up at midnight wide awake

5:13 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:11 helping: Well, by the time you've chatted a while the day will nearly be over. If you want to nap a little I can stay on for the next hour and cover you

5:13 Pualani [Facilitator]: Ah, just seen your response helping

5:14 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; It just kind of hit me when I sat down on the couch a little bit ago...

5:14 Pualani [Facilitator]: I wonder why I’m not showing up in the RH window?

5:15 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:14 helping: Perhaps feelings of stress has you tired?

5:15 Yoli: Swan: I think that's exactly what's going on. I think he tells them not to tell me. It seems that h was in New York a few weeks ago and went to see daughter. I never heard anything about it. I don't get it.

5:16 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; I think it was the meal I ate....

5:16 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:15 Yoli: My 2 older sons are like that. They don't tell me when they've been in touch with their dad

5:17 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:16 helping: Did you eat a lot?

5:17 Pualani [Facilitator]: I wonder where Swan went?

5:19 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; Well, kind of, a lady from church had me over to eat supper with her & her husband. Plus it's been raining here since noon & really chilly to boot...

5:19 Pualani [Facilitator]: Ladies, are you still here?

5:19 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:19 helping: Ooh, sounds like it's time to hibernate!

5:20 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; I always seem to eat more when I’m with someone else than I do by myself

5:21 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:20 helping: Yes, you feel it's only polite to do so!

5:21 Yoli: Pualani : Thanks for your help. I'll have to keep this in mind.

5:22 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; Did Swanlake leave ?

5:22 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:21 Yoli: You're welcome. I wonder if our children don't tell us they've seen their dad because they're scared we'll ask questions?

5:23 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:22 helping: She's not showing up in the RH box - but then neither am I! I believe she's volunteered to F for the whole 4 hours of chat

5:24 Pualani [Facilitator]: so I don't think she'd just go off without saying so...

5:24 helping [Facilitator]: Yoli & sbky; Hello...how are you 2 this evening??

5:24 Yoli: Pualani : Yeah, I also think that.

5:24 Yoli: helping: Hi, how are you? I’m okay.

5:26 helping [Facilitator]: Yoli; Oh, ok I guess...been one of those days. This was my very first Thanksgiving without ANY family, so it's been 'different' for me

5:26 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:24 Yoli: If my youngest S does mention that his older brothers have been in touch with their dad, I just say that I’m pleased they're keeping in contact with him. I know that the truth and the details will come out at just the right time - if I will be patient

5:27 helping [Facilitator]: Yoli; Youngest son had to work, oldest son is overseas and dil is still mad at me so, it's just been the doggies & myself here

5:28 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:26 helping: I know how special this holiday is for you - even more so than Christmas, so you're bound to be a bit sad. At least there are only a few more hours of it and it will be a new day - Black Friday in fact!

5:29 Pualani [Facilitator]: Do any of you venture out then?

5:29 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; It wouldn't have been so bad but dil wouldn't even let me see grandson for his birthday.....I miss my grandbabies very much!

5:29 Yoli: Helping: I'm sorry that you’re alone. I've been alone several times since this began. I don’t' like it but what can you do?

5:30 Yoli: Pualani , helping? I'm gong to sign off for now. I’m really tired as well. Thanks for your help.

5:31 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Sorry all, I got kicked off and it took me a little time to get back in

5:31 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:29 helping: Your DIL has been very mean to you and I hope her conscience will be pricked

5:31 helping [Facilitator]: Swanlake is back...'hello'

5:31 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:31 Swanlakejgs: I thought it was strange that you'd go and not say so :-)

5:32 Pualani [Facilitator]: Also strange that I’m not in the RH box with you guys - I hope I’m not in the naughty box

5:33 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; Well, I do believe the Lord can / will work in this, I guess sometimes I wish things would 'hurry up' where dil is concerned

5:33 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: no clue what happened, I was on my wireless, lost connection, so went to non-wireless and it still didn't, but I am back now.

5:33 helping [Facilitator]: phone call

5:35 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:33 helping: Yes, we can feel like that sometimes can't we? Nearly everything about our lives these days is instant and we can then be sooo impatient. Remember the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years when they could have made the trip in 11 days?

5:37 Pualani [Facilitator]: As time passes and events occur, I can see how one thing had to be in place before another. It's like one of those puzzles where you slide the little squares around to show the picture - or a Rubik’s Cube. Sometimes everything seems to have gone wrong and then suddenly everything falls into place! Just at the right time. God's timing is perfect!

5:38 Pualani [Facilitator]: sbky, are you still here?

5:39 Pualani [Facilitator]: BRB, I’m going to get a drink a minute

5:39 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - And notice in the Bible how they couldn't have stayed put in any one place even if they wanted to, shortly after they would set up camp, they were being pushed to move on to another area. I believe it is still like that with God, when we are disobedient, he makes it so we never really can get comfortable in one place before he has us on the move.

5:40 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - I like that image 5:37

5:43 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:39 Swanlakejgs: That's true, Swan! We HAVE to keep growing. He prunes us and that makes us more productive...

5:44 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:40 Swanlakejgs: I have learned that I have just got to have FAITH and believe that God IS working on the other side of the mountain

5:45 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Back - my kitties wanted their evening meal and I was already late, so ran to give it to them.

5:45 Pualani [Facilitator]: Ahhh, our dear little furry pets!

5:46 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: So true, there are times, I get to make another trip around the mountain because I didn't learn it the first trip, but I am getting better at recognizing and not making as many trips before I catch on

5:46 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:46 Swanlakejgs: :-D

5:47 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yes, what would be do without them

5:50 helping [Facilitator]: Sorry, I’m back now

5:50 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:50 helping: :-)

5:51 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: I used to have a cocker and when she wagged her stubby, her entire back side wagged, I used to say it was because she didn't have a tail to do all the movement. My boy is a cuddle cat and my little calico sleeps on my hip most nights. They are good company and they don't get angry - LOL

5:51 Pualani [Facilitator]: How many dogs do you have helping?

5:52 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; In the house right now 3, but H is finding me a home for 1 (my son youngest sons dog). My Lab is my faithful friend who has been with me through thick & thin, he's like my kid

5:53 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Man I just noticed I cannot spell worth a darn tonight

5:53 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:51 Swanlakejgs: That's what I love about our pets - they love us unconditionally. My Dobie was from the rescue kennel and goodness what sort of life he had before that, but he loves me and trusts me. Which reminds me - I must write and tell you all about our little misadventure - I'd forgotten about that!

5:54 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:53 Swanlakejgs: No problemo

5:54 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; I ask my lab if he wants to take a shower & he'll go & stand in the shower even before I get there...my kids didn't do THAT good!

5:54 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:54 helping: :-D

5:55 Pualani [Facilitator]: Looks like I’m having the same spelling problems now...

5:56 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; Then there's the puppy that nobody wanted....ok, I have a soft sopt for dogs & I think she knows it...

5:56 Pualani [Facilitator]: helping my friend had to shower her little Jack Russell yesterday because she rolled in some mud. Then she had to keep her eye on her because if she was let out by herself she would just roll in the mud again...

5:57 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:56 helping: Ahh! I read my Bible to my dog and he looks at me quizzically!

5:57 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - the male was recued from a guy who had him tied up in a bag and was throwing him out into the trash, my son's girlfriend at the time saw it and saved him, but her mom wouldn't allow her to keep him, so my husband said we would take him. My calli was at the human society, my husband saw her and we went home with her, she was honestly 100% his cat. She doesn't like to be held or touched and until this mess, her only purpose for me was to feed her, keep her box clean and leave her alone. I have to say I was shocked when my husband called me one night and told me he couldn't have her anymore, would I please take her. It was sad, but she now allows me to touch her

5:57 helping [Facilitator]: sbky; Are you still here??

5:59 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:57 Swanlakejgs: Oh how sad that your H's cat was left behind. Perhaps she feels the same betrayal as you?

5:59 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; If I go up town & don't have my Lab with me people ask me where my side kick is...

6:00 Pualani [Facilitator]: My previous dog was from the rescue kennel as well. He was a rough collie and was found wandering a lane in the middle of nowhere. He was all tangled and matted and must have looked like Lassie Come Home

6:00 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - he was the only one she used to allow to touch her, in fact she would sit in his lap (still doesn't do that with me), and I don't know the why, but I have her now. I can only assume the other woman is allergic or just doesn't like cats because he kept her himself right up until the other woman moved in with him.

6:02 Pualani [Facilitator]: 5:59 helping: I have worked with students who have guide dogs or assistance dogs (Lab or Lab/Retrievers) and they are amazing dogs. One Lab could tell when his owner was going to have a fit and get him to a safe place before it began

6:03 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: It is amazing how pets know what is going on, if I am hurting and crying, my little boy will come up and start to bump his head on my arm and purr at me.

6:03 helping [Facilitator]: Swanlake; Something funny has started to happen I don't think I've told you about....H has started leaving my dog scraps on the roof of his car, then he will text & let me know they are there .

6:03 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:00 Swanlakejgs: My goodness, the pressure must have really been on him to give up on his cat as well as his wife

6:04 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; Wow...that's cool

6:04 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helping - how sweet and he has a dog too right, so he is sharing - Yeah

6:04 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:03 Swanlakejgs: My Dobie dabs me with his nose. He never licks - just dabs!

6:05 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:03 helping: Oh my!

6:05 helping [Facilitator]: Swanlake; Yes, thought that was something when he started texting me to let me know....I have been surprised more than once at H

6:06 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:05 helping: Do you collect the scraps, or does the dog climb up and get them? Is your H living nearby then?

6:06 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - well I would imagine that stress has turned back on her by now and most likely threefold. Sometimes I feel badly for the other woman and what she has gotten herself into, I cannot imagine it is very nice and from the few things I have heard from kids, it can actually get down right nasty between them. It just sad, they destroyed two families and for what to be miserable together.

6:07 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; I go about 3 blocks to get them. No, H lives way out in the country...they are always in a container

6:08 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helping - I agree lately your husband is full of surprises

6:08 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:06 Swanlakejgs: Well I suppose our H's will only stay in a miserable situation for so long. After all, they left in pursuit of happiness in the first place!

6:09 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:07 helping: Why is his car three blocks away though?

6:09 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - this is true, even a pig will crawl out of the mud and lay in the sun so the pigpen dries and falls off of them.

6:10 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:09 Swanlakejgs: Ha! Ha! Now I’m thinking of my brother's pigs again!

6:10 helping [Facilitator]: Honestly, I don't know what I would have done without my dog when H first left, he would come & sit with me, if I would be crying laying on the bed he would come and lay by me....he was just always 'there', you know

6:11 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; He has an extra he leaves in town...don't ask me why cause I have no clue

6:11 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:10 helping: I believe God sends us pets to be a physical comfort to us, so we can know that God's presence in a tangible way

6:11 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:11 helping: ahhh!

6:13 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: We had a lot more people in chat on Thanksgiving last year, I am hoping it is because everyone has made plans and are busy busy busy.

6:13 helping [Facilitator]: Morwenna; I have learned not to try & figure H out....why he does or why he doesn't do something...

6:13 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Ladies, I think I will turn in now as it's gone 2am here. My bed beckons...

6:14 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Goodnight dear Morwenna, rest well

6:14 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; Good night & God Bless You!

6:14 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:13 helping: That's the best way. What is it Tamashii says, ' Believe nothing you see and half of what you hear' something like that

6:15 helping [Facilitator]: Pualani ; It was something I had to learn!

6:15 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: I think we lost sbky, wonder if her name stayed and she left, the opposite of Morwenna who was still here but her name vanished.

6:16 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:13 Swanlakejgs: Perhaps it will pick up for the second half of chat when little ones are getting ready for bed and people heading home for the evening?

6:16 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Believe none of what you hear and only a fourth of what you see - it is a common phrase in the military

6:16 helping [Facilitator]: Swanlake; I think Hannah was going to come in tonight, wasn't she?

6:16 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helping - she said she was, she’s on the schedule

6:17 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:16 Swanlakejgs: Ah and Tam was in the military as well wasn't he?

6:17 helping [Facilitator]: My doggies need to go out-brb

6:17 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - during Vietnam

6:17 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:17 Swanlakejgs: Oh I see.

6:18 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - girl go get some sleep

6:18 Pualani [Facilitator]: That saying would cover the lies the MLCers say and the deceitful actions as well wouldn't it?

6:18 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello Jo, how was your Thanksgiving and what are you thankful for

6:19 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pualani - yeah but I would give them more like 1% of what you see instead of a fourth

6:19 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:18 Swanlakejgs: I will, now that Jo is here. Hello Jo and Happy Thanksgiving. (((((((HUGS))))))) everyone!

6:19 Pualani [Facilitator]: 6:19 Swanlakejgs: :-D

6:20 Pualani [Facilitator]: Bye then ladies!

6:24 Jo [Facilitator]: Swanlake - I’m at my d's near Portland. We just had a very nice dinner. One of my d's friends came with her son (her h went hunting with their other son). I’m thankful for forgiveness and the need for gratitude. We make a list of what we are grateful for, the kids join in, too.

6:24 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello Veer - welcome

6:25 Veer: HI all, this is vsingh changed to Veer, happy thanksgiving

6:25 helping [Facilitator]: Hello, I’m back...one job lead to another....the dog I’m getting rid of just caught & killed a mouse!!

6:26 Jo [Facilitator]: My younger d who lives near me, her son and daughter brought me. We had a nice drive yesterday to get here.

6:26 Veer: all: My son and I had an early dinner with friends. I thought I'd visit chat

6:27 helping [Facilitator]: Veer; Hello :)

6:27 helping [Facilitator]: Hello Jo :)

6:27 Veer: hi helping: I hope all is well

6:27 Jo [Facilitator]: Veer, Swanlake, helping - Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you are enjoying your holiday from your work-week.

6:28 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helping - the difference between a dog and a cat catching a mouse, the dog kills it immediately and will actually eat it once they have

6:28 helping [Facilitator]: Happy Thanksgiving Jo & Veer

6:29 Veer: sbky: how are you

6:29 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Jo - actually it was really strange not to go to Bible Study group last night or mentoring tonight,

6:29 Jo [Facilitator]: helping - Did you check out the place your h told you was available?

6:30 helping [Facilitator]: Swanlake; Nope, she killed it & was playing with it...pitching it up the air!

6:30 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Veer - I think we lost sbky, don't know if she is just away from her computer or if the system kicked her earlier but left her name.

6:31 helping [Facilitator]: Jo; It was way too much for me to afford

6:32 Jo [Facilitator]: helping - I’m sorry. Is there nothing available through the county listings?

6:32 Veer: all:there is a lot of chat time. I knew of at least one that had no thanksgiving plans so I thought I'd come to chat. It is nice to know we have support her.

6:32 helping [Facilitator]: Swanlake; I may think twice about getting rid of her now...well just 'maybe'. I want to find a good home for her as I just don't feel I can afford to keep 3 dogs....

6:34 Jo [Facilitator]: Veer - We learned way back when we were just starting the chat with Jim that there a lot who need someone to share with on the holidays. Things are so upside down, with family and the way the children go to separate celebrations of Thanksgiving or Christmas.

6:34 helping [Facilitator]: Well, we seem to have lots of help here tonight, I think I will get off & pop back in a bit

6:35 Veer: JO: You are right. I am more healed now, but in the beginning, it was so hard.

6:36 Veer: Jo: it looks like we are the only ones

6:37 Veer: Jo, my son needs me and I may pop in later

6:40 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - hey lady how are you tonight?

6:41 Hannah [Facilitator]: hi all, I guess I was in the wrong chat room/ Over an hour and nobody came in

6:41 Hannah [Facilitator]: swan I am fine. You were just leaving the chat room to check on your mac cheese

6:43 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - we were talking about you earlier and thought we remembered you would be here tonight

6:44 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Oh you were in the FF chat room. By the way, the mac n cheese was very good, just like I remembered it

6:46 Hannah [Facilitator]: Swan well if you check the other room I was in there all by myself, the three of you left just as I signed in.!!! LOL

6:46 Hannah [Facilitator]: Swan did helpme have any news on an apartment?

6:47 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - still nothing, the one her husband had seen, is way too expensive for her, so she doesn't know what she is going to do

6:49 Hannah [Facilitator]: swan that is what I thought. I worried when she got the third dog too because I knew she had her own plus Johns dog and now a third.

6:50 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - her husband is helping her find a good home for the third dog so she might not have it much longer

6:51 Hannah [Facilitator]: swan that is good. She can't go into the local apartments with a dog and they seem to be the only ones available.

6:52 Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky how are you tonight?

6:55 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Do you know if there are any subsidized housing in her area when you talk with her? We have some here and the allow two pets with deposit. I would think she qualifies

6:57 Hannah [Facilitator]: swan there is but they do not allow dogs.

6:57 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: that’s a shame, pets are so good for some people to have, especially a woman living alone

6:58 Hannah [Facilitator]: she could possibly get a way with a very small dog but she has two and her old lovable one is big.

6:58 Hannah [Facilitator]: swan it is and older people love their pets

7:00 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: I know when I lived in Cal, and husband would be away on business I liked having my cocker. Here I live in a gated resort, which is really quiet, so I don't worry anymore, but I used to get scared sometimes. Of course there are street gangs out there, not so much here

7:01 Hannah [Facilitator]: swan it was the subsidized housing that said they had a place for her but she couldn't have pets.

7:06 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: I guess there have been problems with people allowing their pets to be destructive, but it is so sad she has to make a choice between affordable housing and her dog

7:06 sbky: hello

7:06 sbky: I am back

7:07 Hannah [Facilitator]: hi sbky

7:07 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hey girl, thought we lost you, welcome back. The system was acting up earlier, kicked me off, thought it got you too.

7:08 Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi Brin

7:08 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Good evening Brin, how are you tonight and what are you thankful for

7:08 Brin [Facilitator]: Hi ladies. Happy Thanksgiving!

7:08 Hannah [Facilitator]: and to you Brin

7:10 Brin [Facilitator]: Hi Hannah, Swan, I am doing OK. Had a wonderful day with a friend (lunch) and another friend's family for dinner. Very thankful for that, and for my church, and for all of you in chat group. Thankful for God's faithfulness and providence through the difficult times.

7:10 Brin [Facilitator]: All, How are you?

7:11 sbky: swan it didn’t get me .. I was gone sewing some stuff for my mom

7:12 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: sbky - I remember you saying you needed to sew something, glad you have joined us again, we missed you, several people said hello to you while you were away.

7:13 sbky: swan. I didn’t think to close my browser sorry

7:13 Brin [Facilitator]: It's a shame that helpme has to give up her big dog. It's so true that dogs are such good companions for people, especially when they are well cared for.

7:14 Hannah [Facilitator]: Brin had a nice dinner with my dil family.

7:14 Hannah [Facilitator]: All, I am going to go as my d is home from university and she needs to use the computer to do school work.

7:15 Hannah [Facilitator]: Take care, talk to you all soon.

7:15 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Brin - as of now she is not giving up her dog, I think she will choose the dog over the apartment. but it is sad, that it is even a problem

7:16 sbky: I guess it is a good thing that mostly facilitators are here. that means most of us had a good long day..

7:16 sbky: all.. or at least a long day of something

7:17 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:15 Swanlakejgs: It does make it hard finding an apartment. If only things can work out with her H. I wonder if this would make her H think about being back with her again..

7:17 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: sbky - that is my hope, that everyone is so busy, but we do appreciate having a place for those who just wanted to stop in. There are a couple who are visiting with family and stopped in to say hi.

7:19 sbky: swan I did go to my husband’s family gathering. this makes 3 out of the 4 we have been separated.. and ow spending the evening with my family..my sister, mom and me are going shopping in the morning

7:19 sbky: swan that’s shouldn’t say ow. it should say now

7:19 sbky: lol

7:20 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:19 sbky: OW spent the evening with your kids?

7:20 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:20 Brin: sbky, OK, I understand - typo.

7:20 sbky: brin. No - that was a mistake. I am now spending the evening with my family.. not ow

7:21 sbky: all. I looked back and say what I wrote.. and laughed.

7:23 Brin [Facilitator]: Swan, what did you do today?

7:25 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: house chores, make homemade mac n cheese, talked with a couple friends, family, facilitated, etc. I had a couple invitations but wanted to stay in this year.

7:29 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:25 Swanlakejgs: Glad you had a good day. I had planned on doing some "homework" for my healing project, but I guess God had something else in store for me. Will be doing my homework tomorrow instead.

7:30 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: It is funny how God sometimes changes our plans isn't it.

7:31 sbky: swan yes it is.. I planned on not going to my h's family’s gathering.. but one of is cousins wife I rarely talk to. I ended up talking to last night and she brought it up

7:31 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:30 Swanlakejgs: Yes, and I thought he wanted me to do my homework. Maybe he rewarded me for my willingness to stay home to do that...

7:33 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: sometimes God puts up road blocks and other times, he redirects the river all together.

7:33 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:31 sbky: It's nice that your H's family still include you in their get-togethers.

7:33 sbky: brin yes it is!.

7:34 sbky: all I am going to go to bed. my sister says we have to get up in 4 hours or so to go shopping..

7:34 sbky: night all

7:34 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: goodnight sbky, have a great rest of the evening and weekend

7:35 sbky: thanks swan..

7:35 Brin [Facilitator]: sbky, Good night, and happy shopping.

7:39 Brin [Facilitator]: Swan, Since you've been here for almost 4 hours, did you want to take a break and I can close at in 20 min?

7:40 Jo [Facilitator]: Sorry, had to break away for company, who came for pie. Lost track of time.

7:41 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: I'll hang out, but you can close - thank you

7:42 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:40 Jo: Chat room is acting strange. Before your last post, it logged that you'd signed off.

7:42 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pie what kind of pie, I want a slice - LOL.

7:43 Jo [Facilitator]: I never know what anything happens, hopefully Lisa will know. I’m glad I did not get dumped after all.

7:44 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:41 Swanlakejgs: OK. Lately, I have felt sooo tired. Perhaps the D process is taking it’s toll on me.

7:44 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:43 Jo: How was your day?

7:44 Jo [Facilitator]: Swan - pumpkin, pecan, cranberry/apple. And, my 11 yr old gr-d wanted Oreo pie - different.

7:45 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Brin - it can do that, divorce is not a pleasant experience for anyone, even the mlcer

7:45 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:44 Jo: Oh yum. Can I have some pecan pie, cranberry/apple pie, and Oreo pie? ;)

7:45 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Jo - can or gourd for the pumpkin?

7:46 Jo [Facilitator]: Brin - depression causes tiredness, and this whole things makes one feel depressed.

7:47 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:45 Swanlakejgs: Not pleasant at all. I am thankful that I am busy with my life.

7:47 Jo [Facilitator]: Swan - My d cooked up pumpkins in prep for the pies, today. Verry good.

7:49 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:46 Jo: I don't think I have clinical depression, but perhaps depression from dealing with the D process and my H's actions (and me not being able to see any reason in the path he's taken). It still blows my mind, to this day.

7:50 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:47 Jo: Did you make the pie crust from scratch?

7:51 Jo [Facilitator]: Swan and Brin - I have to go as there is so much company. Blessings on your evening, I'll see you Friday if I can. Going home on Saturday. My grandch who live here are in the Macy's Christmas parade tomorrow morning (band and color guard). Have to be at the high school at 6:00 a.m. Argggh.

7:52 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Bye Jo

7:52 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:51 Jo: Have fun at the parade!

7:54 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Brin - I am on the phone, so If your offer is still open, I am going to log off

7:57 Brin [Facilitator]: 7:54 Swanlakejgs: Yes, I'll close in 3 min. Thanks. Goodnight and have a great rest of the weekend.

7:57 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Night


5:02 kbird: Pualani: Happy Thanksgiving to you...haven't been to chat for quite some time, but thought I would pop in. Unfortunately I have not been one of those great success stories. My husband did go through with the divorce

5:05 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Kbird - the story isn't over yet, so the success isn't determined either, a divorce is a piece of paper but not anything final, there are actually many who divorce and later remarry.


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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud