Midlife Dimensions


New Year's Eve - 12/31/08

7:28 Yoli: Swanlake, Hannah: I do have a question. Is it good to reach a point of indifference with your situation and husband? Or is it part of the process?

7:30 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - I think it is part of the process after awhile to come to a point when what you have to do daily in you
r life takes priority over the thoughts and concerns of what your husband is or isn't doing. You still love them, pray for them, but they just aren't every waking thought.

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6:15 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Holy cow! I thought I would never figure this out!

6:17 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Sorry for the delay.......Happy New Year to everyone. Jesus is mine in 2009!

6:18 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: This chat room design is new to me--please be patient with me.

6:22 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: swan - HI! I’m glad you are here! How are you? It took me forever to figure out the new room!

6:25 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello all, not exactly easy to find how to log in, got to go to pull down, then search page for tiny "join chat" then to log in window. Don't think those who haven't been able to practice, ie facilitators are going to find their way here tonight. The home page is deceptive, it shows a log in box, but it doesn't work and no where does it say you have to go to Talk to Jim and click on Chat.

6:25 Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi everybody

6:26 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: swan - I agree--it was tricky and I was panicking a little.

6:27 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Hi Hannah! Happy New Year!

6:29 Hannah [Facilitator]: kmkrn happy new year to you too

6:35 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - Hi! How are you this evening?

6:35 Pelagius: Hi Kmkrn. Kind of down tonight.

6:35 Pelagius: Thanks for asking.

6:37 Pelagius: hi Lisa!

6:38 Pelagius: Sorry I was late getting on, I couldn't find my way around the new nifty site! It looks great!

6:38 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Pelagius - what are you doing this evening that has you down?

6:38 Pelagius: Kmkrn, something clicked in me yesterday. I don't want my husband back. I don't want to work at reconciliation. I just want all this to go away.

6:39 Pelagius: He did something simple, meaningless, but it hurt me.

6:39 Pelagius: We were talking on the phone; he wanted to know something financial. He said he had to go, and the next thing I know I hear his OW in the truck with him and she is on the cell phone.

6:40 Pelagius: I left him a voicemail later that I thought it was mean-spirited of both of them to carry on with their lives and he was asking me about our (cont)

6:40 LisaK [Administrator]: hi, I’m finally here!

6:40 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - I was late opening the room because it's all so new to me!

6:40 Pelagius: finances, and I had to hear her voice. he said he would honor my request and not let me hear her voice anymore.

6:40 Pelagius: Hi Lisa!

6:40 LisaK [Administrator]: I have been trying to get in since 4 pm PST!

6:40 Hannah [Facilitator]: hi Lisa

6:40 LisaK [Administrator]: I've been on the phone with ATT for hours!

6:41 Pelagius: But before he said he would honor my request, he was snotty on the reply voicemail and said he was doing me a courtesy by calling me back.

6:41 Pelagius: He's the one who initiated the first call.

6:41 LisaK [Administrator]: I’m a frantic wreck! I knew it was going to be the new chat room, so I wanted to be the first in to open and greet. So, thanks to whoever did it for me! You're a rock star!

6:42 Pelagius: LisaK, looks like kmkrn figured it out and opened the room! ;)

6:43 Pelagius: I’m sorry to gripe, kmkrn. It's just like the flip switched.

6:44 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: lisa - I had my husband and my daughter helping me....not sure I could have done it alone?!

6:46 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - this too shall pass--keep looking UP in spite of your circumstances! This is a season and a test. Hang in there. Are you spending this time with any other family?

6:47 Pelagius: I leave on Friday to have our extended family Christmas. But I have no energy or holiday spirit.

6:47 Jim CONWAY [Administrator]: I just wanted to drop by and greet you -- I am proud of all of you for the very positive way that you encourage each other. Thanks so much for all that you do for everyone. I’m going to check out because I’m still in quite a rush to get ready to leave for California at 4 AM on Friday morning

6:47 Pelagius: But Friday morning h and I go to his doctor for a follow-up after 6 months of anti-depressants and we pray the doctor gives him testosterone.

6:48 Pelagius: My h keeps trying to find some medical help, and we can't find doctors who will meet us halfway.

6:48 Hannah [Facilitator]: Happy new year Jim

6:48 Pelagius: Happy New Year, Jim.

6:50 Pelagius: Looks like I’m the only non-facilitator on the site. Sorry!

6:50 Pelagius: Thanks to all of your for being here, and for all you've done to try to help me.

6:50 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - the rest of us are just "play facilitating" anyway! :-)

6:54 Hannah [Facilitator]: I wonder how many others have tried to get into night and can't figure it out.

6:55 Hannah [Facilitator]: Just had an email from Helpme saying she can't get in chat room

6:55 Pelagius: I got a late start, around 8:17, so it took me about 10 or 15 minutes to figure it out. But I stopped and read some articles along the way.

6:56 Pelagius: They helped me be more realistic about my situation. I think my marriage is done.

6:56 Pelagius: I’m so torn about filing for divorce or not. I don't want to; I don't think my h will come back if I do....it is so final.

6:56 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - glad you stayed! Turn up the Christian radio, open your Bible, and anything else that will give you a lift.....don't worry about your H; leave him at the cross for now.

6:56 Pelagius: But I’m tired of hoping. I can't bear him being with someone else.

6:56 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: swan - thanks! you are so clever!

6:57 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Lisa - before tomorrow it might be a good thing for an information email to be sent out detailed instruction on how to get to the chat log in

6:57 Pelagius: kmkrn, my marriage is over and done. And I don't understand why. I didn't bring this on.

6:58 Pelagius: swan @ 6:57, that's a great idea.

6:58 Pelagius: I kept trying to get my cursor to hit on what looked like the log-in screen! I finally found the right way to get to it.

6:59 Pelagius: kmkrn, hannah, swan, Lisa, thanks. Hope you guys have a great New Year.

7:00 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - Never say never to your Lord! Nothing is impossible for God! BUT I agree that this time is SO difficult while you are going through it. I am so glad I did not give up on my H--he is right here next to me now.

7:00 Pelagius: At times I think I keep hearing the Lord's voice in my head telling me it is all about what he is doing in my husband. But why did it have to be this way? I am glad for you, kmkrn. I NEVER cheated on my h. Ever.

7:01 Pelagius: I’m sorry I caught you guys on a night when I was so down. I've had a great few days.

7:01 Pelagius: I really had believed he might be home by the New Year.

7:02 Hannah [Facilitator]: Pelagius we are here for those down days. We are brothers and sisters in Christ with spouses in mlc

7:02 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pelagius - hey, we are here to help encourage and support you regardless of how up or down you are.

7:02 Pelagius: Thanks!

7:03 Pelagius: I should let you guys go, I guess. The hour is up. You guys are my last refuge, short of God.

7:03 Pelagius: There are no answers, no certainties, no guarantees, and around every corner I see reason to hope and then I question why I bother.

7:04 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - God's timing works much better than ours; but I kep trying to help God hurry him home--you don't want him back until he's "done." I also never cheated; but I am a sinner nevertheless in God's eyes......so, I had my helping of humble pie during my H's MLC as well. It helps the healing process.

7:04 Pelagius: My back is against the wall. The uncertainty of the new year is weighing down on me.

7:04 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Pelaguis - actually tonight is a special chat and we are open for two hours, closing at 9:09 pacific time

7:04 Pelagius: kmkrn, I have asked God how to pray for my h. I don't know what to pray for. And I believe I keep hearing Him say, pray for him to come home. So I do.

7:05 Pelagius: Oh Swan @ 7:04, that's good news! Maybe other people can find their way in.

7:05 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - Yes! Did you see the movie Fireproof? I wish I had it a few years ago while I was in the middle of this crisis!

7:05 Pelagius: I have a friend on another online forum who prayed that her husband would see the truth. I pray that too.

7:06 Pelagius: Kmkrn, I haven't. I know my h wouldn't go with me, but I suppose I could see it myself.

7:07 Hannah [Facilitator]: It is sad this chat room is open for 3 hours and some of them don't know how to get in to chat

7:07 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - it will be available in January on DVD (around the 27th I think). Please don't do anything until you see it--it will help you understand from God's perspective so much better.

7:08 Hannah [Facilitator]: kmkrn I can't wait to get it on the 27th because it never came to my area.

7:08 Pelagius: kmkrn, okay. I don' t know if it came here.

7:08 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: hannah - the room is open for 3 hours tonight??? Did I miss that memo? I am in PA with my family and shutter to think how many emails are in my mailbox!

7:09 Pelagius: kmkrn, in Pennsylvania? That's where my h is from. His whole family is praying he'll come home.

7:10 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - yes, near Philadelphia. That's where my H and I are from, but now we live in Texas.

7:11 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Lisa - since we are open for two more hours, is it possible for you to launch an information email now for those who are possibly getting frustrated trying to get into the room?

7:11 Hannah [Facilitator]: Swan Lisa isn't in

7:11 Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi Yoli, glad you made it

7:12 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello Yoli, glad you are here tonight

7:12 Yoli: Hannah: Hi, I know it's the new format, it's just different typing at the bottom. I guess that makes it easier than the other way.

7:12 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - thought I saw her at 7:08, forgot to look at the right for users

7:12 Pelagius: You guys are not going to believe this. My h just called and wants to come over and ring in the New Year with me.

7:12 Pelagius: I am NOT kidding.

7:12 Pelagius: I believed he'd be home by the new year. And he may not be. But this is GREAT! I think.

7:12 Yoli: Swanlake: Hi, how are you? Well I had nothing else, and I mean nothing else to do.

7:13 Hannah [Facilitator]: Pelagius that is PTL

7:13 Yoli: Pelagius: Let him, I think it's great.

7:13 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: swan - I just plugged in my daughter's laptop that I am using then! Not sure how much longer I can stay--the family is all here!

7:13 Hannah [Facilitator]: kmkrn don't worry we will cover for you

7:13 Pelagius: I thought I'd had a word from the Lord that he'd come home between Christmas and the New Year. And I know they have a way of feeling lost around the holiday. He may go back to her tomorrow.

7:14 Pelagius: Oh, praise the Lord. I WAS listening! And I WAS hearing the Lord.


7:14 Pelagius: I am so sorry I have to go, but I need to get ready for him. Please pray for me. I will pray for all of you.

7:15 Pelagius: Thanks!

7:15 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: pelagius - AWESOME!

7:16 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - we are glad you choose to join us, we will give you something to do for the next couple hours - talk to us!

7:17 Yoli: Swanlake :I don't know how long I can stay up. Not taking any meds at all but end up really tired by about 10. What a wet blanket.

7:18 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Yoli - I will be returning to Texas tomorrow, but right now it is 20 degrees and VERY windy! We had snow flurries earlier today. I can't wait to get back! How is the weather there?

7:19 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - my husband used to call 10:00 pm "pumpkin time", saying that was when I turned into a pumpkin if I wasn't in bed asleep.

7:20 Yoli: Kmkrn: Where are you now? Today began fairly cold but this afternoon, it was beautiful. Really nice ,with no wind and not suffocating with humidity.

7:21 Yoli: Swanlake: Well then I’m the queen of the pumpkins. I usually don't stay up late at all. Tonight, I’m all by myself. Younger daughter decided she

7:21 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Yoli - I’m in Philadelphia visiting ALL of our families. It's been great, but I’m always glad to get home too.

7:21 Yoli: Swanlake: cont-needed to go & visit my parents. So besides her dog, I’m alone. How pathetic am I?

7:22 Yoli: Kmkrn: Oh that sounds like fun though. I really like Philly. I think I've been away from cold (really cold) weather for too long now that I don't think I could handle the weather up there.

7:22 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - not pathetic at all

7:23 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Yoli - I’m in Philadelphia with family, but I will be glad to get home too.

7:23 Hannah [Facilitator]: Yoli, I have my 3 year old grandson and his cousins - 4 years and 7 years. So it's me and the kids.

7:24 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - at my house it is just me and two cats - LOL!

7:24 Yoli: Hannah: Well even kids that young would be good right now. It's just really lonely. I've even decided that I need to sell this house. It's too big

7:24 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: lisa - my replies are disappearing into cyberspace?!

7:24 Yoli: Hannah: cont-just for me. I need a one-room shack. That's about all I can afford anyway after child support ends. Oh well.

Kmkrn says goodbye...

7:24 Hannah [Facilitator]: kmkrn Lisa isn't here

7:25 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - heard from JJ yesterday, she seems to be doing pretty good. Staying busy at the university.

7:26 Hannah [Facilitator]: Swan that is good she stays busy. Did her h remarry already?

Kmkrn says hello...

7:27 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: OK, I’m back.

7:28 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - last Saturday, she hasn't gotten any confirmation on that yet, but that was the date "this time". The wedding has been postponed a few times in the past. It hurts, but she is dealing through God's love.

7:28 Yoli: Swanlake, Hannah: I do have a question. Is it good to reach a point of indifference with your situation and husband? Or is it part of the process?

7:30 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - I think it is part of the process after awhile to come to a point when what you have to do daily in your life takes priority over the thoughts and concerns of what your husband is or isn't doing. You still love them, pray for them, but they just aren't every waking thought.

7:31 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello brin - see you found the path into chat tonight, welcome

7:31 Brin [Facilitator]: All, I am in shock. I found out yesterday by accident about OW

7:31 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Hi Brin!

7:31 Yoli: Swanlake: So it doesn't mean that anything, whether good or bad, is happening, right?

7:32 Brin [Facilitator]: Swan, Hi. Thanks.

7:32 Brin [Facilitator]: Hi kmkrn!

7:32 Hannah [Facilitator]: Brin don't be shocked many times one thinks there isn't ow but there is

7:32 Yoli: Brin: So sorry about that. I don't think it was by accident though, I think God wanted you to know.

7:33 Brin [Facilitator]: Hannah, Thanks. I don't know how long it's been. Been told it's only a few months but I don't believe that now.

7:34 Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@7:32, Thanks. Yes. you're right. I think God meant for me to find out. I asked H after that. I had prayed recently that God would show me what's going on and He did!

7:34 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: brin - I don't think I will ever know the "whole truth" about that either, but God knows, so I leave it to Him to deal with.

7:34 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - I personally believe it is kind of a self-defense internal mechanism that kicks in to help us heal and focus on the rest of our lives, people around us, work, etc.

7:34 Yoli: Brin: Boy isn't it incredible how sometimes we get exactly what we pray for.

7:35 Brin [Facilitator]: Kmkrn@7:34, I so wish this journey is over soon for me.

7:36 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: brin - what does your H say about it?

7:36 Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@7:34, Yes, it is. God does answer whatever/whenever He chooses.

7:36 Yoli: KmKrn: You just sound so strong about your faith and life. I want to be at that point. It's not that I’m too worried about my future, it's just that

7:37 Hannah [Facilitator]: All be back in a few, got to get the grandkids to bed

7:37 Yoli: KmKrn: cont-right now, I have this overwhelming urge to go & live in Europe. I need to do something for me. I figured that living in Italy will really

7:38 Yoli: Kmkrn: cont-help with my spiritually. I loved the churches and everything else associated with the church that I saw. Who knows, maybe this time next I'll be living in Europe

7:38 Brin [Facilitator]: Kmkrn@7:36, He said he's just seeing her and not serious. What does "not serious" mean? Step kids have been spending time with her. Does "not serious" mean physical intimacy but no marriage plans?

7:39 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: yoli - my H actually supports my being a part of this group--I wish everyone could experience that. I give all credit to God holding on to me during his MLC. I know that I don't take my H for granted anymore either!

7:40 Brin [Facilitator]: Kmkrn [contd] He said we'll talk more because he had to leave but I don't know what about.

7:40 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: yoli - but what would your girls say about that?

7:41 Yoli: KmKrn: Well my younger one would go nuts & be jealous that she can't go with me. She would take advantage of my living there to spend summers there.

7:41 Yoli: KmKrn cont-not sure about older one. Right now she doesn't seem to really care about anything or anyone except her boyfriend. I see her getting-married within the year. I hope she doesn't but the way things are going for her & that her boyfriend is graduating in May 2009, she will.

7:42 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: brin - it's usually the "tip of the iceberg" and they are so good at lying--especially to themselves during MLC. I wouldn't know how to much to believe, or not. Don't try!

7:42 Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli, I hear Tuscany is beautiful. I would love to visit Tuscany.

7:43 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: yoli - OK, we'll all come and visit if you do! :-)

7:43 Yoli: Brin: We just drove past it. Everything we saw was beautiful. Positano and Florence look beautiful as well. So much to see & so little time.

7:44 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: swan - have you heard from Suz lately? Any news on her h?

7:44 Yoli: KmKrn: Deal. I'll only charge half-price for room & board. I just think it would be an incredible opportunity for me. I have faith in God & believe

7:45 Brin [Facilitator]: Kmkrn@7:42, He also said he could say a lot to me but didn't want to give me false hope. Didn't understand what he meant except maybe he fantasizes about our special times...

7:45 Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli, Are you in Italy now?

7:45 Yoli: KmKrn: cont-that my husband will come back. I just don't want to be as pathetic as I am tonight. I’m afraid that's how the rest of my life is going

7:45 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: kmkrn - talked to her this morning, she is ok, still talking about heading back to Texas any day soon, but no definite date set. She might stop by here and visit me for a day on her way, that would be nice.

7:46 Yoli: Brin: Only in my mind. right now, I’m sitting in front of the tv watching Maid in Manhattan. Completely alone.

7:47 Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@7:46, That's a great movie. I loved it. Watched it with in-laws and H at the cinema.

7:47 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: kmkrn - nothing really on the h for her, some supposed to's, but nothing definite or confirmed yet.

7:47 Yoli: Brin: I also liked the fact that Italian men will tell you how beautiful you are. Sometimes you need to hear things like that to feel desirable.

7:48 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: brin - try to LISTEN to him only--zip your lips with any negative thoughts (although there are plenty). I tried to live chapter 15 in Ed Wheat's book "Love Life for Every Married Couple"--How to Save Your Marriage Alone.

7:48 Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@7:47, Hmmm, I am not sure if I like to hear that - it'd make me think they want something.

7:49 Brin [Facilitator]: Kmkrn@7:48, I have read that book but don't remember what that chapter is on.

7:49 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Yoli - why aren't the girls with you?

7:49 Yoli: Brin: Probably, but in my case it was usually the older men who said things. some of the men looked really slick, but I don't think they are. It was

7:49 Yoli: Brin: cont-their white patent leather elevator shoes. How outdated is that?

7:50 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: brin - I read that chapter MANY times!

7:50 Brin [Facilitator]: Kmkrn, Sorry, no I haven't read the "Love Life ..." book. Just "How To Save Your Marriage Alone".

7:50 Yoli: KmKrn: Older daughter went back to College Station on Saturday. Younger one got brilliant idea to go & visit my parents. I wasn't going to stop her b/c

7:51 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: brin - that's all you need.

7:51 Yoli: KmKrn: cont-I was already accused of trying to make them feel guilty. They need to take me to hospital & then take care of me. I had surgery on 12/23.

7:51 Brin [Facilitator]: kmkrn, Oh, I see what you mean now.

7:51 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Yeah! Helpme made it! How are you tonight?

7:52 Brin [Facilitator]: Hi helpme.

7:52 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - good to see you girl, welcome

7:52 helpme: Hello All...guess I just didn't know 'how to' get in here earlier tonight :) We live & learn, don't we?

7:52 Brin [Facilitator]: kmkrn@7:48, Listen to my H or listen to God? I was confused.

7:53 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: helpme - I'd still be searching if I didn't have my husband and daughter to help me!

7:53 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Yoli - nothing serious I hope (@7:51)

7:53 helpme: Hannah; How's your New Years Eve going?

7:54 helpme: Kmkrn; I got a message from Lisa...bless her heart for sending it!

7:55 Yoli: KmKrn: Hysterectomy. Done through laparoscopy but still needed their help. Younger daughter was who ended up coming through for me until she left

7:55 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: brin - Both I guess (but I meant your H)! Let him see how foolish he sounds--don't argue with anything! Affirm if at all possible. Try to pretend that the ow is a "non-issue" (but this is hard). Ask for God's help to get you through!

7:56 helpme: All; My son is going to chef's school...helping to cook for 300 people tonight, so it's a big night for him!

7:57 Yoli: All: going to shower. I'll check to see what' s going on with chat afterwards. If don't get back, thank you so much for everything.

7:57 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: helpme - that sounds good! Can he bring you any leftovers? :-)

7:57 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - he is going to do great, he has put so much effort into his cooking, he can only do great.

7:57 Brin [Facilitator]: Kmkrn@7:55, So if he says he doesn't see us getting back together, don't say anything? If he says he can't go back to the bad stuff (even though they no longer exist), don't say anything?

7:57 helpme: Kmkrn; I wish!

7:58 Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli, How are you feeling now after the surgery?

7:59 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: brin - reread that chapter. It's all a process and a journey. MLC doesn't start in a day, and it doesn't end in a day either.

8:00 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Aloha Aloha! :-)

8:00 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Aloha - welcome, glad you are here

8:00 LisaK [Administrator]: Hi All. I’m finally back again. What did that take, about an hour to send 2 emails!!!??? ATandT is really pushing my buttons tonight!

8:00 helpme: Lisa; Bless you for sending out the e mail to let me know how to get into chat tonight..was sort of lost!

8:00 Aloha: Good evening all. How is everyone?

8:02 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Lisa - sorry you are having so much trouble with AT&T, but we are glad you are back with us.

8:02 Brin [Facilitator]: Hi Lisa, Aloha

8:04 Aloha: All: Is anyone bummed out on this New Years Eve (like myself).

8:05 Hannah [Facilitator]: oh that’s good a few more in chat

8:05 helpme: Swanlake; Dil called yesterday, was talking a lot. I have grandson till Friday while the kids move.

8:05 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Aloha - tomorrow is a new year and a new beginning. What has you so bummed, if you want to share.

8:06 Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme what is your family doing tonight

8:06 Brin [Facilitator]: All, I am really drained and need to get some rest. Happy New Year! May the Lord bring us all closer to Him in 2009, regardless of the circumstances.

8:06 helpme: Hannah; Hello...I made it!!

8:06 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - they found a place, that is so good. I am glad your dil is on the up swing and being more communicative.

8:06 Hannah [Facilitator]: Brin take care,

8:07 Aloha: Swan: Missing my h. For the past 28 years on New Years Eve, we would stay home and cook sea food and watch TV to bring in the New Year.

8:08 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Lisa - your user name disappeared at about 8:02, so maybe that is why it isn't showing up.

8:08 helpme: Hannah; Kids are in their new house tonight, youngest son is helping cook for 300 people!

8:10 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Aloha - holidays are hardest and most lonely of times. Glad you came to be with us.

8:10 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: ALL - I’m going to go and visit with my family. We are leaving tomorrow. Happy New Year to ALL! Jesus is mine in 2009! :-)

8:11 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Happy New Year kmkrn

8:11 Aloha: Kmkrn: Happy New Year, take care

8:11 helpme: 'Jesus is mine in 2009'...I like that

8:12 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - hey that is catchy, I like it

8:12 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: helpme - I saw that on a church marque--I didn't think of it myself!

8:12 LisaK [Administrator]: I’m back AGAIN.

8:12 Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme that is good

8:13 helpme: OR...... 'In 2009 Let Jesus Shine'!

8:13 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: Lisa - I've been "frozen" out of chat twice tonight where I couldn't see my responses; so I had to leave and come back.



8:16 Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme I have my grandson with me and his two cousins. trying to get them to bed

8:17 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - they want to see the ball drop!

8:17 Hannah [Facilitator]: Lisa what are you doing for New Year? apart from firing ATT

8:18 Hannah [Facilitator]: swan don't know about that Peter Pan is on their tv right now!

8:18 helpme: Hannah; I've put grandson to bed but he came in here & went to sleep in chair..he loves to watch me when I’m on the computer :)

8:19 Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme I am glad you have your grandson with you

8:19 Hannah [Facilitator]: hi sbky

8:19 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - how sweet and precious.

8:19 sbky: hello everyone

8:20 Aloha: helpme: How old is your grandson? I have three, 10 yrs, 8 yrs, and 3 yrs. They give me so much happiness in the hardest time of my life.

8:20 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: hello sbky, glad you have joined us.

8:20 sbky: swan, glad to be here

8:20 helpme: Hannah; Yes, he's good company for me. Love them grandbabies!

8:21 helpme: Aloha; 3yrs. & 4 months....2 boys, I also have 2 sons.

8:21 Kmkrn [Facilitator]: ALL - leaving you all in good hands for bringing in the new year...keep looking UP! Love to all! :-)

8:22 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Lisa - stand up and stomp, remind the enemy that he is UNDER YOUR feet and you are protected by the mighty wings of God!!!

8:22 helpme: Swanlake; Want to send you some Christmas pictures, is that ok?

8:22 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - pictures are always ok, would love to see them

8:24 sbky: helpme I only have my kids but I am thankful I have one of each.. a boy and girl

8:24 helpme: Aloha; I take LOTS of pictures, H has missed out on so much of grandbabies lives, know some day he will be happy to see them.

8:24 sbky: helpme girls are very different than boys

8:24 Aloha: helpme: Grandchildren are so precious, they are heaven sent, what a blessing.

8:25 sbky: all I am so happy with the chat room changes..

8:26 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: sbky - yeah, me too and once all the bugs are worked out it will be even better

8:27 sbky: I always got kicked out of the other one.. ]

8:27 helpme: Aloha; They are certainly a blessing to this grandma...I love being a grandma! My H on the other hand seems to take being a grandpa rather hard.

8:27 Aloha: helpme: This painful time has been very hard on my grandsons, they always ask me when is Grandpa coming home. I just hold back tears.

8:28 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - because rather than seeing them as the blessings they are, he seems them as reminders that he is getting older and the incomplete things of his life so far.

8:28 helpme: Sbky; I will be happy once I get use to everything :)

8:29 sbky: all I have a 15 and 16 year old boy having a xbox360 party in my living room. they are playing rock band.. I may not get to sleep tonight..lol

8:31 helpme: Swanlake; H does not really know his grandsons, that's sad to me...they change every time you see them! Even with the baby I see changes.

8:32 Hannah [Facilitator]: hi hopes

8:32 helpme: Swanlake; I was honestly hoping that when we learned son was being sent overseas H would want to spend more time with son, but so far not happened.

8:32 Aloha: Helpme: Mine has no contact w/grandsons, it's been 2 years now. Our daughter is very angry with her Dad, she doesn't want to ever see him again.

8:33 sbky: all I just wanting to check in and say hi. I am going to sleep..

8:35 Aloha: Helpme: (((((hugs to you))))))

8:35 helpme: Aloha; My sons goes through that....I do encourage them both to pray for their dad and never give up on him.

8:35 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - my husband avoided our grandson and children for almost two years, no contact at all, then one day he called them and wanted to see them. He once told me that he was afraid of ruining our grandson, that he would be better off without my husband in his life. Husband said, he had ruined our son and daughter, didn't want to do same to grandson.

8:36 helpme: Aloha; (((((((HUGS TO YOU ALSO)))))))))

8:36 Hannah [Facilitator]: swan I tend to think my h thinks we are better off without him

8:36 Hannah [Facilitator]: hopes, are you new to chat room?

8:37 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - I think it is a combination of they think we are better off without them and they have so much guilt, they just don't know how to get past it.

8:37 Hannah [Facilitator]: Swan I think we have to pray for that wall to be broken down

8:37 helpme: Aloha; I continue to remind my sons that he is and always will be their father...no matter what.

8:38 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - my husband told me many times, that I deserved someone better than him, he didn't understand why I don't hate him. They get so confused

8:39 Aloha: Helpme/Swan: This just breaks my heart when MLC attacks our grandchildren. God is very angry with our h's.

8:39 helpme: Swanlake; My H has told me that also.

8:39 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - "and the wall, comes tumblin, tumblin dooown" that song popped in my head as soon as I read your 8:37

8:40 Hannah [Facilitator]: swan keep praying

8:40 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Aloha - God loves our husband's, the enemy has them deceived and on his puppet string.

8:41 helpme: Aloha; One thing that comes to my mind time & again, God wants to save & loves our H's even more than we do.

8:41 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - all the time

8:42 helpme: All; I can't believe it's almost midnight...where has the time gone?

8:43 Aloha: Hannah/Swan: Are you guys on the east coast? I don't want to keep you up, it's getting late for you.

8:43 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - time flies when you are having fun and we are having fun

LisaK says hello...

8:43 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Aloha - central, I will be up for a couple more hours.

8:44 helpme: Swanlake; Know what, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else tonight than here with my friends.

8:45 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - me too

8:45 helpme: Lisa comes...and Lisa goes....

8:46 helpme: That has to be upsetting to her.

8:46 Hannah [Facilitator]: hi steadfast, how are you

8:46 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: hello steadfast, welcome

8:46 Hannah [Facilitator]: Aloha helpme and I are on et

8:46 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - and pop goes the Lisa! Ok, I am feeling silly tonight, what can I say

8:47 Aloha: helpme: Ditto, coming to chat has eased my loneliness and heartache.

8:47 steadfast: I am doing ok. Just came from a New years eve get together with people from the church. had to come home early because the dog has medical problems

8:47 helpme: Hannah; I don't usually go to bed till around 2 am anyway.

8:48 Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme and what time will your grandson wake you up

8:48 steadfast: and has to be let out every 4 hours. So I thought that I would come on line and wish everyone a Happy Joyous and blessed New Year

8:49 helpme: Aloha; I was REALLY grateful for Chat during Christmas....I was a mess!

8:49 Hannah [Facilitator]: steadfast and the same to you.

8:49 Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme I know you are up watching those Hallmark movies

8:49 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - got to say, I am with you, since this MLC stuff I can't get to sleep until around 1:00 am.

8:49 helpme: Hannah; He will sleep in tomorrow morning beings he went to sleep sp late tonight.

8:49 steadfast: Thank you all

8:50 Aloha: steadfast: I hope your dog is not too ill.

8:51 helpme: Hannah; I love the Hallmark ch., when son is here though it's the cooking ch.!

8:52 steadfast: Aloha: He is a Bishon --a small dog with a small bladder and is proned this breed to developing stones in his bladder (cost $2000.00 for surgery a few

8:53 Aloha: All: Happy New Year and have a blessed week. Goodnight.

8:53 helpme: Swanlake; Sometimes I’m awake at midnight cleaning my house...weird but no one else here but the dogs & they don't care.

8:53 steadfast: Aloha: a few years ago and I can't afford that. He needs to empty his bladder every 4 hours as stale urine increases the risk of stone formation

8:53 helpme: Aloha; Good night & The Lord Bless You!

8:54 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - odd thing is that I don't really sleep any later, still awake and out of bed between 6:00 and 7:00 am. It is what it is, so I just go with it for now.

Aloha says goodbye...

8:56 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: 5 minutes and the ball drops in Timesquare!

8:56 steadfast: Swan : How late is chat open or does it close at 1209 eastern in a few minutes?

8:56 helpme: Swanlake; I’m certainly not a morning person...even pastor's wife will tell you that.

8:56 Hannah [Facilitator]: My daughters friend has gone down to the city. I can't even imagine being down there in that crowd - what happens if you want to use the bathroom!!!! LOL

8:57 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: steadfast - chat will close at 1209 eastern time tonight.

8:57 helpme: You still with us Lisa??

8:58 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - they were just showing it on television, it is cold and a really large crowd. they have porta potties, but with crowds that big - yuk

8:58 LisaK [Administrator]: Oh my gosh! I just made it back in time for the countdown. This day is not going as planned, that's for sure.

8:59 steadfast: Swan : Probably getting too late to ask this but s was here for Christmas eve, 25th and part of 26th. he was to come back on the 29th and thought

8:59 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - most of the stores and restaurants won't allow you to use theirs without buying something and not a small item either

8:59 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Lisa - one minute

9:00 helpme: Happy New Year!!

9:00 steadfast: I could get him on a bus earlier than planned to go back to the university city but I knew what was up and told his dad I couldn't put him on the bus

9:00 LisaK [Administrator]: In case I get kicked out again. Will one of you wonderful ladies pleas close the chat room? HAPPY NEW YEAR USA!!!!! I’m at Disneyland and I've never had this much trouble! Hope to see you all tomorrow.

9:01 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: The ball has dropped

9:01 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Lisa - I will close

9:01 steadfast: Swan: in good conscience as his mother. Now I think my s is upset again and not contacting me. Trying to decide how to play this one out. Stand firm

9:01 LisaK [Administrator]: yay! this is the longest I've stayed in tonight!

9:02 steadfast: Happy New Year's to all and praying for everyone to have a special and promising New Year!

9:02 LisaK [Administrator]: Am I still here??

9:02 Hannah [Facilitator]: Happy new year to you all too

9:03 LisaK [Administrator]: Thanks Swan. Goodnight everyone. :o)

9:03 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: steadfast - he is an adult, he knows what time he needs to be on the bus to go back, if he misses, it is on him! You can only do what you can do, you reminded him, if he is choosing to act disrespectful, then it is all on him.

9:03 helpme: 'Lord I ask that You bless all those who come into this chat room. Bless them with Your peace and Your love throughout this coming year. Amen.

9:03 Hannah [Facilitator]: Amen helpme

9:03 LisaK [Administrator]: As long as I’m not kicked out - AMEN!

9:04 steadfast: Amen from me too

9:05 LisaK [Administrator]: Dear Heavenly Father. Thank you for everyone who made it in tonight. I pray that everyone who wants to enter tomorrow will be able to get in without any problems. Thank you for our Facilitators and their labor of love for our chat room. Please bless them, and all of our guests with your loving guidance in 2009. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

9:05 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Lisa - the chat room is being anointed before tomorrow afternoon for the launch? The enemy can do whatever he wants, but God already has the victory and that includes this chat room

9:05 Hannah [Facilitator]: Amen Lisa

9:06 helpme: Amen Lisa!

9:06 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Amen, Amen and Amen

9:06 Hannah [Facilitator]: goodnight all, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!!!

9:06 LisaK [Administrator]: Well, looks like my name is gone. But, PTL I was able to stay in until the end. Yes, Swan, the victory is His!

9:07 helpme: God Bless Each And Every One! In my prayers, good night

9:07 Hannah [Facilitator]: Not sure I will make it in tomorrow as I am eating a late lunch at my daughter in laws mothers house

9:07 helpme: Hannah; Have a blessed day tomorrow

9:07 LisaK [Administrator]: Swan, close when ready. I’m just happy to be typing and posting. :O) I don't want to click on anything and blow up the world with my luck tonight.

9:07 Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme you too

9:08 steadfast: Good night to all .So glad I could join you for a few minutes. So glad we have each other. Praying for you all .God bless.

9:08 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Lisa - laughing hard at your mushroom cloud comment

9:08 helpme: We love you Lisa, glad you could stay in for a bit :)

9:08 LisaK [Administrator]: Love you all.

9:09 Hannah [Facilitator]: Lisa must be great to be at Disney on New Years Eve

9:09 LisaK [Administrator]: My heart jumps for joy each time my post goes thru now.

9:09 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: It is time to close, see you all tomorrow for the launch and then on Friday for chat. Love everyone

9:09 LisaK [Administrator]: Usually, I love it. But tonight, I’m actually fighting a fever and sore throat. BUT, nothing will stop me! Although, after chat tomorrow, I'll climb into bed for a week!



For a list of media recommendations by Midlife Dimensions and our Chat Room Facilitators, please visit at



or http://astore.amazon.com/midlife-20

7:28 Yoli: Swanlake, Hannah: I do have a question. Is it good to reach a point of indifference with your situation and husband? Or is it part of the process?

7:30 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Yoli - I think it is part of the process after awhile to come to a point when what you have to do daily in you
r life takes priority over the thoughts and concerns of what your husband is or isn't doing. You still love them, pray for them, but they just aren't every waking thought.

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud