Midlife Dimensions


Mother's Day - 5/11/08

[5/11 18:13] Yoli: Hannah, Dani: Hi guys, I'm doing okay. How about you all? Hope you all had a good day. My older daughter & boyfriend came in & we all went out to eat. I was kind of sad when younger d called h & he wanted to know about our plans. He was in his apartment alone.

[5/11 18:16] Dani [Facilitator]: Yoli, It is sad for us, but so sad for them too.

[5/11 18:18] Yoli: Dani: It is sad. Girls bought me a beautiful bracelet & then paid for lunch with his credit card. I wanted to invite him but he's still so stubborn. I do have a question though. Maybe you can help. I feel that I need to send h an email telling him something similar to what Charlyne told Bob about waiting forever for him. Especially right now, because yet another day for families to celebrate has come & he's so alone. Any suggestions?



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[5/11 18:02] Hannah [Facilitator]: Good evening everybody. "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." 1John 3:16

[5/11 18:02] Hannah [Facilitator]: Remember that we are not loved by God because we are valuable - we are valuable because we are loved by God.

[5/11 18:03] Hannah [Facilitator]: hi sbky, welcome to chat. Are you new?

[5/11 18:03] Dani [Facilitator]: Hi Hannah, sbky and Kurt! Welcome to chat!

[5/11 18:04] Dani [Facilitator]: How's everyone doing tonight?

[5/11 18:04] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi Kurt, welcome.

[5/11 18:04] Kurt: Hannah: I'd like to invite my wife into chat so she has a group to talk with while I'm deployed.

[5/11 18:04] Hannah [Facilitator]: Kurt when do you leave for sea?

[5/11 18:04] Joannie: Hey guys!!!!

[5/11 18:04] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi Swan and Joannie.

[5/11 18:04] Swanlake: Hello everyone, how are you tonight?

[5/11 18:04] Hannah [Facilitator]: Happy Mother's Day to all our moms.

[5/11 18:04] Joannie: Kurt that would be awesome!

[5/11 18:05] Hannah [Facilitator]: Kurt, go ahead, we will help her through this

[5/11 18:05] Joannie: All, we're having severe weather here, tornado warnings

[5/11 18:05] Hannah [Facilitator]: Kurt, my h was military, but air force. I know about these tdy's

[5/11 18:05] Swanlake: Kurt - that would be great, I am sure she would be able to offer us as much encouragement as we might give her.

[5/11 18:06] Hannah [Facilitator]: Joannie, I hope it isn't coming north!!

[5/11 18:06] Hannah [Facilitator]: Joannie, we will keep you in prayer

[5/11 18:06] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, is this your first time to chat?

[5/11 18:06] Dani [Facilitator]: Hi joannie and swan.....Joannie...you be careful there girl!! we'll pray

[5/11 18:07] Dani [Facilitator]: Kurt....absolutely! we would love to have her!

[5/11 18:07] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, if this is your first time, type in the name of the person you are talking to then type the message.

[5/11 18:07] Joannie: All, I may step away to keep a check outside. I'm in a room with no windows. K?

[5/11 18:07] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi Dot, welcome to chat. Are you new?

[5/11 18:07] Swanlake: Joannie - that storm was here yesterday, hopefully it worn itself down, not up, as it is coming to you.

[5/11 18:07] Hannah [Facilitator]: ok Joannie

[5/11 18:08] Dani [Facilitator]: Hi Dot!! are you new to chat? I don't think I've chatted with you before! Welcome!

[5/11 18:08] Joannie: This past week Molly had a tornado come within 5 miles of her house and it did a lot of damage. It's been YEARS since we've had weather systems come through like this.

[5/11 18:09] Dot: I am new to this

[5/11 18:09] kurt: hannah: I leave in 1 wk

[5/11 18:09] Dani [Facilitator]: Joannie,

[5/11 18:09] Hannah [Facilitator]: Joannie, Molly doesn't live far from you does she?

[5/11 18:09] Joannie: Kurt, do you know your deployment date?

[5/11 18:09] kurt: hannah: my wife is Dot

[5/11 18:09] Hannah [Facilitator]: Kurt well get your wife into chat before you go.

[5/11 18:09] Joannie: Hannah, about 1 hour west

[5/11 18:09] Dani [Facilitator]: Joannie.....oops....sorry, I guess I was praying with my fingers!! Please be careful

[5/11 18:10] Swanlake: Welcome Dot - we are glad you have joined us tonight.

[5/11 18:10] Joannie: Dot, welcome, we're glad to get to have a Husband and wife "team" on chat. I think tonight is a first!!!!!

[5/11 18:10] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi Dot, nice to have you here and this will be a great support group for you while Kurt is away.

[5/11 18:10] kurt: Dani/Hannah: let me know if any guys come into chat: I've told Dot that most of the chat is women but some guys

[5/11 18:10] Dot: thanks!

[5/11 18:11] Dani [Facilitator]: Oh, hi Dot!! Welcome! we are here to support each other in many different states of Midlife Crisis MLC and we are happy to have you. Feel free to share or just observe and get used to us!....we are just so happy both you and Kurt have joined us

[5/11 18:11] Dot: hi yoli

[5/11 18:11] Hannah [Facilitator]: Yoli, hi, how was your Mother’s Day?

[5/11 18:11] Dot: thanks Dani

[5/11 18:12] Dani [Facilitator]: Hi Yoli, how are you doing tonight?

[5/11 18:12] Yoli: Dot: Hi how are you? I don't think I've ever chatted with you.

[5/11 18:12] kurt: Dot: thanks for the support even now, and I'm saying it in public!

[5/11 18:12] Dot: nope, I'm a "newby"

[5/11 18:13] Hannah [Facilitator]: kurt will do. It may be Geebo

[5/11 18:13] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi vsingh, how are you?

[5/11 18:13] Hannah [Facilitator]: Yoli, Dot is Kurt’s wife. The first h and w team to be in chat together. Isn't it awesome?

[5/11 18:13] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi sbky, welcome.

[5/11 18:13] Dani [Facilitator]: Hi vsingh....welcome!

[5/11 18:13] Yoli: Hannah, Dani: Hi guys, I'm doing okay. How about you all? Hope you all had a good day. My older daughter & boyfriend came in & we all went out to eat. I was kind of sad when younger d called h & he wanted to know about our plans. He was in his apartment alone.

[5/11 18:13] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky are you new to chat?

[5/11 18:13] vsingh: hello everyone.

[5/11 18:13] Dot: you’re welcome kurt

[5/11 18:14] sbky: Hannah, this makes my third time

[5/11 18:14] Hannah [Facilitator]: vsingh, how was your day?

[5/11 18:14] Yoli: Hannah: Oh, okay. I got it. I feel a little lost. I haven't been in chat much either. Thanks.

[5/11 18:14] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, would you like to share your story? It would let us know how we can help you.

[5/11 18:15] sbky: do these men really get through this?

[5/11 18:15] Hannah [Facilitator]: Yoli, that makes two of us. I had a break for a couple of months from facilitating and just got back into it last Sunday.

[5/11 18:15] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, yes they do but it takes time and each h is different. Have you read any of Jim's books?

[5/11 18:15] sbky: husband moved out July 2006. Won’t talk about us. Won’t file for divorce.. says he never loved me..

[5/11 18:16] vsingh: Hannah: I try to be strong. Hannah, my attorney wrote h a strong letter to force him to comply.

[5/11 18:16] sbky: Hannah, I haven’t read any of his books.

[5/11 18:16] Swanlake: sbky - you came on a good night for that question, Dani has a restored marriage, so yes they do get through this.

[5/11 18:16] Yoli: Hannah: It's just been hard to get on to chat the way I used to.

[5/11 18:16] Dani [Facilitator]: Yoli, It is sad for us, but so sad for them too.

[5/11 18:16] Joannie: sbky, yes, but it takes time and they have to go through it alone. We can't help them work through their issues. They have to face them alone. We can be there and support them w/ unconditional love and forgiveness.

[5/11 18:17] vsingh: Hannah: my attorney said he was advised to take all necessary legal action including if need be jail.

[5/11 18:17] Hannah [Facilitator]: vsingh, what did you do today? I'm glad your attorney wrote to h.

[5/11 18:17] sbky: I forget about it.. Chat that is

[5/11 18:17] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky you need to read his books on mlc. Check them out on this site and then you can order them from Amazon.

[5/11 18:17] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi Cricket, welcome. Any updates on your praise?

[5/11 18:18] vsingh: I'll be back.

[5/11 18:18] Joannie: Cricket, hey girl!!!!!!

[5/11 18:18] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, what state are you in?

[5/11 18:18] Yoli: Dani: It is sad. Girls bought me a beautiful bracelet & then paid for lunch with his credit card. I wanted to invite him but he's still so stubborn. I do have a question though. Maybe you can help. I feel that I need to send h an email telling him

[5/11 18:18] sbky: Joannie. We don’t talk much. We have separate lives right now. But he seems to just want to be alone.. He tells his best friend he isn’t seeing anyone.

[5/11 18:19] Dani [Facilitator]: Sbky, yes they do get through this, but the question is, will decisions be made by either party that will make it more difficult for the marriage to remend and continue. My husband and I were separated for almost 4 years and we are happily back together. It is very painful for all parties. Do not lose hope.

[5/11 18:19] Cricket2: Wow - I was just quickly catching up - Kurt Wonderful that you have brought your wife - DOT We are so glad to have you join us.

[5/11 18:19] Joannie: Yoli, remember they do go through a period of disconnect with us.

[5/11 18:19] Dani [Facilitator]: sbky....."....I never loved you"....is so, so common to hear in this

[5/11 18:20] Hannah [Facilitator]: Yoli, I think it would be quite in order for you to send an email saying that he was missed

[5/11 18:20] sbky: dani.. How did you deal with the loneliness

[5/11 18:20] sbky: dani.. How did you deal with the loneliness?

[5/11 18:20] Yoli: Dani: cont.-something similar to what Charlyne told Bob about waiting forever for him. Especially right now, because yet another day for families to celebrate has come & he's so alone. Any suggestions?

[5/11 18:20] sbky: dani... how did you deal with the loneliness

[5/11 18:20] Dot: cricket, thank you

[5/11 18:20] Joannie: sbky, that is soooo the normal MLC pattern but don't get overwhelmed if there is a AW at some point

[5/11 18:20] Cricket2: All - No new news but the enemy has really been attacking me so I figure that's because God is working so much.... I have to smile at each attack... okay wince first then smile.

[5/11 18:21] Swanlake: Kurt - geebo just signed in, one of our guys.

[5/11 18:21] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi geebo, Kurt was asking if any males would be coming in!!

[5/11 18:21] Yoli: Hannah: You don't think it will make him run in the other direction? He's missed so much already & the next year is going to be really busy with both daughters.

[5/11 18:21] geebo2b: Hi all..blessings

[5/11 18:21] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, which state do you live in and I will give you times of chat, although they are mentioned on the web site.

[5/11 18:21] geebo2b: Hi Kurt...how are you?

[5/11 18:21] Joannie: sbky, putting our focus on God heals the hurt and helps feel the void of emptiness and loneliness

[5/11 18:21] Dani [Facilitator]: Yoli, I agree with Hannah....it is good to express these things

[5/11 18:21] Cricket2: Dot - Kurt has had so many praises to share about his wonderful wife, we're glad to meet you and so glad to have you join us so we can share our experiences or hear your praises...whatever either of you need.

[5/11 18:22] Hannah [Facilitator]: Yoli just a short email saying the girls gave you a wonderful mothers day and that he was missed

[5/11 18:22] geebo2b: Hi Cricket; sorry to hear about the battles..whatever they may be...bless you

[5/11 18:22] Yoli: Joannie: The period of disconnect has been 1 year already. The only way to communicate with him is through email or text. However, he's been initiating some contact himself. Yeah!!

[5/11 18:22] kurt: Geebo: glad to have you here tonight just reading along. My wife Dot is also in chat tonight

[5/11 18:22] Cricket2: All - After I received my praise - I got a nail in my new tire...but they were able to plug it... my water heater broke... but it was under warranty (except labor - but friends helped), now the recirculation pump went out... enemy is scared

[5/11 18:23] Hannah [Facilitator]: PTL Yoli

[5/11 18:23] Yoli: Hannah: Okay. That sounds good. then I probably shouldn't tell him about my standing & willing to wait forever.

[5/11 18:23] geebo2b: All: wow..I guess I am feeling the loss of my mom a little more than a month ago more than I expected..but I know she is at peace and not sick any longer

[5/11 18:23] Dani [Facilitator]: sbky....very difficult....I became very busy with house projects, I had 2 teenage girls at home so still busy, work, got a dog....whatever I could come up with

[5/11 18:23] geebo2b: Awesome..hello Dot blessings on both of you

[5/11 18:23] Dot: cricket, thank you again, I'm a little slow on the computer

[5/11 18:24] Joannie: Cricket, you rock girl! wince then smile even bigger. I'm saving a HUGE happy dance just for you. God is awesome and you have some great friends there!!!! God bless them!

[5/11 18:24] Dot: geebo, thanks to you as well, and blessings back at ya'

[5/11 18:24] Yoli: Hannah: Yes that is a PTL. When I send him any message about younger d, he responds pretty quickly. Yeah.

[5/11 18:24] Hannah [Facilitator]: Yoli, no leave that for another time.

[5/11 18:24] vsingh: I am back. H was given strong letter from my attorney.

[5/11 18:24] geebo2b: all: My sister seems to be doing a bit netter..she called today ..the cyst on her pancreas is going down with the shunt inserted and she can eat now and keep food down

[5/11 18:24] Joannie: Yoli, that’s great! my period was longer so PTL!!!!

[5/11 18:25] kurt: Geebo: I'm doing good trying to get the honey do list down prior to deploying, spending time with family, cleaned the house today with our boys so Dot could have the day to do whatever.

[5/11 18:25] Joannie: Gee, I'm sorry for your sadness today. your mom is smiling down upon you :)

[5/11 18:25] sbky: I am back. I had a really bad connection so I restarted my connection

[5/11 18:26] Cricket2: Joannie - It's like I'm witnessing a spiritual battle - enemy puts nail in tire, but God got me to nearby mechanic who plugged it. Enemy breaks water heater but mfgr says I'm covered 100% = new water heater free, friend did most of work, saved me labor $

[5/11 18:26] sbky: someone asked where I am from. Kentucky

[5/11 18:26] Swanlake: geebo - that is a wonderful praise, we will continue to keep her in prayer.

[5/11 18:26] Dani [Facilitator]: Cricket and geebo....I didn't get to say Hi! Geebo....glad to hear about your sis doing better.

[5/11 18:26] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, are you having problems with your computer?

[5/11 18:26] geebo2b: Kurt ..bless you , that is loving..may your whole family be strengthened in the Lord's love..and only speak loving and forgiving things to one another

[5/11 18:27] sbky: dani, I started full time work.. went back to college.. and try to finish our house

[5/11 18:27] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, chat is Wed at 1pm, Fri at 10 pm and Sun and Mon at 9pm.

[5/11 18:27] Dani [Facilitator]: Cricket....and you know who always wins these battles!!!

[5/11 18:27] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, do you have children?

[5/11 18:27] Cricket2: Dot - We've been so impressed that Kurt found this site & is fighting this midlife crisis & determined to save his marriage, we wish our H's would have done what he is doing.... praises to you both

[5/11 18:27] geebo2b: Thank you Dani..it blessed me as she has sooo much to face..but she is a bit better and sounded good (for her)

[5/11 18:27] sbky: hannah, it is raining here and my computer telephone line messes up when it rains

[5/11 18:27] kurt: sbky: where at in KY? that is our home state as well. we are from Northern KY

[5/11 18:27] Dot: sbky: you are not alone my blood runs blue too! and I had a FANTASTIC day because Kurt and the kids did all the work

[5/11 18:28] Joannie: Cricket, He's just showing you He has you Completely covered

[5/11 18:28] Yoli: Joannie: so I guess that he's even responding is a PTL, right. I just wish I could actually speak with him. But I know that it will only be a matter of time before God gives him the 25 cents to call me. .

[5/11 18:28] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, we have a member who lives in Indianapolis very close to Kentucky border.

[5/11 18:28] sbky: kurt, I was raised in Louisville and now I am in south eastern KY around Corbin

[5/11 18:29] kurt: Cricket: I found it out of desperation LOL and rereading one of Jim’s books for the third time!

[5/11 18:29] sbky: hannah, I have a d age 11 and a son 15

[5/11 18:29] Dot: cricket: I love my husband with every ounce of my being and he just needs to see how awesome he is

[5/11 18:29] Cricket2: Dani & All - Yes that's what makes me smile, I feel like each move the enemy makes, God cuts him off & covers me. The plumber friend who came tried not to let me pay him anything for the work as friend did so much with me first. I gave him some $

[5/11 18:29] vsingh: dani, hannah, cricket: my attorney said to h if he does not come, he was advised to take necessary legal action including jail. I hope h is not going to get angry

[5/11 18:29] Dani [Facilitator]: sbky....those are all good things. It is so helpful for us to learn and grow and have things to do.....but it is also great for them to see us growing and learning in spite of all the pain..

[5/11 18:30] geebo2b: Dot and Kurt..amen to what Cricket said in18.27...wish our spouses gave us a chance to get through this together rather than just 'taking off'

[5/11 18:30] Cricket2: Kurt & Dot - It is so clear that y. It's wonderful that Kurt is fighting to hold on to you & his marriage & not giving in to the midlife

[5/11 18:30] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, are your children supportive ? Does their dad see them?

[5/11 18:30] vsingh: sbky: my h has been gone since Aug 2006, I have one son

[5/11 18:30] Hannah [Facilitator]: vsingh, just blame it on the attorney if h says anything to you.

[5/11 18:30] geebo2b: kurt..but the fact that you saw the 'need' in yourself and wanted to do something about it other than do the 'obvious' is really a blessing

[5/11 18:31] Dani [Facilitator]: Kurt....I wore out my books too ....I had two copies so I wouldn't be without it if I loaned one out!

[5/11 18:31] Joannie: Yoli, you'll never know which person you'll get as they go through this journey. at times my communication was harsh from H, other times he'd be his old self. Don't push it. pray before you make any moves. It will save you some heart ache

[5/11 18:31] sbky: dani a lot of good things have come from this .. my h is a builder.. and our house was always last. A lot of work has been done. since he left. I really don’t understand why

[5/11 18:31] Dot: all: I have a question, did the wives read Jim's book?

[5/11 18:31] geebo2b: Amen again Cricket

[5/11 18:31] Cricket2: Kurt - Jim's books helped me so much and my H read Jim's book on Men in MLC & said he thought it was written about him.. he still ran & gave in to mlc but is now realizing the truth.

[5/11 18:32] Dani [Facilitator]: sbky....oooo....my kids were just a little older than that . I am so sorry because the pain we feel as it affects our kids is so difficult to deal with

[5/11 18:32] sbky: hannah, I live next door to my in-laws. who are my family.. my h comes and goes over there as he pleases and he stays over there a lot on the weekends and is involved in their life

[5/11 18:32] kurt: cricket and geebo: It is hard to accept as a male that your in a state of depression and once there that you can't seem to do anything to improve not just your situation but your spouse as well

[5/11 18:32] Hannah [Facilitator]: Dot, yes most of us have read his books. You would do well to read them too.

[5/11 18:32] Cricket2: Geebo - I have thought about you today and I know only too well how hard Mother's Day is after our loss but I also felt my Mom's presence. I'm sure yours is watching over you and battling from Heaven on your behalf.

[5/11 18:33] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, are your in-laws supportive for you?

[5/11 18:33] Swanlake: Dot - Yes, read Jim's book Men in Midlife and Sally's book Your Husband in Midlife. It really helped me to understand the struggles my husband is going through so I don't take them personal.

[5/11 18:33] Dot: all: I have and think it helped me to understand where Kurt was coming from and on kurt's request I read Sally's book

[5/11 18:33] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi melp. How are you today?

[5/11 18:33] kurt: cricket and geebo: it is almost like what people who survive suicide in that it didn't seem like there was a better choice so they leave.

[5/11 18:33] vsingh: Hi melp, how are you?

[5/11 18:33] Yoli: Joannie: I don't think there's too much heart left to break. This has been so hard. My younger d finally told me how angry she is. She cried on the way home from tournament. I know how much she wants her dad in her life.

[5/11 18:34] geebo2b: Cricket2; well, imagining her battling for me..is easy for me to believe..she was always a tigress when it came to protecting me!

[5/11 18:34] melp: I am good, how is everyone? It has been my first M Day without my husband making a big deal about the day. Sad.

[5/11 18:34] vsingh: sbky: how long were you married? Did your h have a bad childhood

[5/11 18:34] Cricket2: Kurt - Yes and I think even harder when you are used to fixing other people’s problems & can't fix your own. My H spent his life as a Cop (and so have I) and you in the military-we tend to think we have to be strong & be the fixer, not needing help

[5/11 18:34] sbky: hannah, oh yes. we eat breakfast and dinner next door. and they have always helped with the kids

[5/11 18:34] geebo2b: kurt : that is very true

[5/11 18:34] Dot: all: kurt read Jim's Midlife book a couple of years ago and then picked it up and reread it, it seemed he wasn't ready to understand what it said the first time

[5/11 18:35] geebo2b: bless you melp..we all understand

[5/11 18:35] vsingh: Hannah: my h will know I went to my attorney to make him comply, but I had to for my son and I

[5/11 18:35] Cricket2: Geebo - Can you imagine your Mom now battling for you, I know as tiny as my Mom & Grandma were, they were also tigresses quick to protect their own. We have warriors watching over us now.

[5/11 18:35] Dani [Facilitator]: Hi melp! Welcome!

[5/11 18:35] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky it is good they are supportive.

[5/11 18:35] sbky: vsingh was married 18 and 2 days when he left. and he had a good childhood..

[5/11 18:36] kurt: cricket: yeah my help came in the form of Dot, medication, time and religious belief

[5/11 18:36] geebo2b: cricket: absolutely I can imagine it

[5/11 18:36] Joannie: Yoli, allow God to start a healing process in you. in time your H will be part of your children's life but it is God's time. Pray that H heart be turned back to his children and their heart back to his.

[5/11 18:36] melp: My H keeps threatening divorce, but after 4 mos, why won't he file? He won't take all his things from our house either..what is up?

[5/11 18:37] Cricket2: Dot - My H hit midlife about 15 yrs earlier, went to counselor who didn't understand mlc so they just gave him drugs. He hit it again 5 yrs ago & found Jim's book but he was in such depression, thoughts of suicide & an OW pursuing him so he ran

[5/11 18:37] vsingh: sbky: what do you think triggered it?

[5/11 18:37] geebo2b: Kurt: that is an excellent foundation..no wonder you are 'hanging' in for the battle

[5/11 18:37] sbky: my mil told me I would always be her dil even if we do divorce

[5/11 18:37] Dani [Facilitator]: sbky....your sitch is so similar to ours. My h built our house, evenings and weekends. There were odds and ends not done and it became frustrating for him. It was a great project for me while he was gone

[5/11 18:38] Cricket2: Dot - My H filed for divorce, married the OW but he's waking up now and admitted he'd made a big mistake. He's working to get out of this mess now but so sad the damage they can do

[5/11 18:38] melp: My H barely sees our kids, they are small as well 10, 6, 3, they don't understand why Daddy did not bring them to the store to buy Mommy a M Day gift, so sad, so innocent

[5/11 18:38] Dot: cricket: depression makes you do things you normally wouldn't do

[5/11 18:38] Joannie: Melp, that’s a Praise. that means a big part of him is still connected with you. Don't push for his to move things.

[5/11 18:38] vsingh: sbky: Is he depressed for some reason

[5/11 18:39] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, you need to get Jims book and Sally’s book and read them. They will help you a lot.

[5/11 18:39] Dani [Facilitator]: Melp.....they get confused....want one thing, but not really, then the next day it is different. If you can let him take his time....work it through....try not to push him one way or another.....they really need to work and think through this with as much support from us as possible

[5/11 18:39] Swanlake: Hey helpme, how are you doing tonight?

[5/11 18:39] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hi helpme, how are you tonight? Did you have a good Mothers Day

[5/11 18:39] melp: he says one thing one day, another the next, complains he never sees kids, but won't come over to see them when he is in town.

[5/11 18:39] Yoli: Joannie: I'm actually doing okay. I'm not angry anymore. Just sad. I can't protect my d's except through prayer. I pray for h as well. Sometimes thoughts about things that he did or said creep back in but I refuse to pay attention to them.

[5/11 18:39] Cricket2: Kurt - My H was not saved and had an incredibly bad childhood - alcoholic/abusive father & so much in childhood, then immediately became a cop so never healed... I pray for his salvation most of all now...

[5/11 18:40] Hannah [Facilitator]: melp, he won't take his things because he doesn't want to be completely separated from you.

[5/11 18:40] helpme: Hello all. I'm hanging in there

[5/11 18:40] sbky: I have dial up and it can’t keep up with the chat.. sorry

[5/11 18:40] Joannie: melp, that's normal MLC behavior. they are like confused teenagers

[5/11 18:41] Dani [Facilitator]: Dot....amen on the depression comment!! After I found myself depressed after my husband left, it opened up a whole new understanding of what he was going through

[5/11 18:41] Joannie: Helpme, what’s up girl?

[5/11 18:41] melp: My H always makes a big deal about M Day. he asked my 10 year old on Friday if he wanted him to pick up something special for me, but has not called since, now my son is sad he did not get something, OW must be in town, she lives in IN, we live in FL

[5/11 18:41] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme, how was your day?

[5/11 18:41] Dani [Facilitator]: Hi helpme!

[5/11 18:41] kurt: Cricket: I'm reading a book that has so much insight into our own decision on selecting our mates and how the problems in childhood come back again

[5/11 18:42] sbky: vsingh I think his best friend turning 40 and was having a hard time with. plus our house wasn’t finished. and he wasn’t making the money he felt he should have.. and yes I think he is depressed but he won’t admit it

[5/11 18:42] Joannie: Yoli, I think you’re doing great. keep holding onto Jesus and taking 1 day at a time and you'll be just fine!

[5/11 18:42] vsingh: dani: I can't even talk to h because he acts like a kid having tantrums and blames me. I had to see attorney because he is not complying. I want him to wake up to what he is doing

[5/11 18:42] Swanlake: kurt - it that the book you mentioned the other night?

[5/11 18:42] Cricket2: Melp - They are so confused & depressed during mlc. They withdraw from loved ones, wonder if this is all there is to life & go thru such confusion. They're drawn to fantasy of OW but feel so guilty about their family

[5/11 18:42] helpme: Hannah; Did you get the Mother's Day thing I made with our picture & e mailed?

[5/11 18:42] helpme: Dani; Hello

[5/11 18:42] melp: Out of curiosity, if anyone has exp with OW? My H is 40,, she is 23, no kids, no ties, etc. how long can this possibly last, she works directly for him at their company, they are together like every minute, won't they get sick of each other some day?

[5/11 18:42] Yoli: kurt: What's the title of the book? I think I might want to read it.

[5/11 18:43] Dani [Facilitator]: sbky....I just got kicked off too....sorry it is so difficult to keep the connection tonight

[5/11 18:43] kurt: cricket: the book is" getting the love you want" by Harville Hendrix. A facilitator in a chat said that he and Jim know each other

[5/11 18:43] helpme: Hannah; Today was kind of lonely

[5/11 18:43] kurt: Swan: yes it must have been you

[5/11 18:43] Cricket2: Kurt - What is the book your reading. Yes my H became almost the H to his mother, protecting her & his sister, going with her to find his Dad in back seat of car with OW, struggled gun from Dad in suicide attempt, no wonder mlc

[5/11 18:44] melp: My H seems to blow off every important thing in his life, me, kids, responsibilities, etc. and I am assuming is spending every moment with OW. What gives? I am somewhat new to this stuff.

[5/11 18:44] Cricket2: Kurt - I'll find the book - thank you.

[5/11 18:44] kurt: swan: I want to finish it and leave it for Dot to read while I'm gone

[5/11 18:44] sbky: dani, I had to let go. he wanted me out of his life so that is what he got. I tried to talk to him a few times the first year. But won’t try to talk about us again

[5/11 18:44] geebo2b: melp: more than likely; one or both will end up quitting/getting fired over the 'relationship' as those things spill over into the workplace in a very negative way

[5/11 18:45] Dot: melp: my friend is going through the same thing, her h was stationed in Iraq and met OW, she was patient and kind to him and now he seems to be seeing the light

[5/11 18:45] Dani [Facilitator]: Melp....yes I definitely think so....and if you read Jim's books he will explain why an affair usually does not last

[5/11 18:45] Joannie: Melp, MLC's push their bodies regardless of their age b/c their minds think they are teenagers

[5/11 18:45] Cricket2: Melp - The OW is like a drug to your H. Like an addict, it's all he thinks of. MLC typically makes our H's become selfish teens & they run from responsibility

[5/11 18:45] kurt: yoli: my therapist also recommended the book the erotic mind which kinda leads right into the Harville Hendrix book

[5/11 18:45] melp: I hope, they think it is a secret, but I think everyone knows, I figured someone would not want them dating because she could file a lawsuit couldn't she?

[5/11 18:45] Swanlake: Kurt & Dot - it is wonderful that you are reading the same books, it must assist so much that you are learning the same things.

[5/11 18:46] Yoli: Joannie: Thanks. I will do that. you seem to be really strong. I think I noticed that the last time you were in chat.

[5/11 18:46] sbky: I really feel God has told me this would all be okay. but some days it is so hard to hold onto

[5/11 18:47] Yoli: kurt: I actually have the book by Hendrix. One of the many therapists that I went to recommended it. she was kind of strange & the therapy was bad. I'll have to pick up the book & read it. Thanks.

[5/11 18:47] Dot: swan: yes it has helped us I think to read the same books and then discuss what each thinks about it

[5/11 18:47] Joannie: Yoli, this is Joey. Joey/Joannie are 1 and the same. Joey is my Facilitator name.

[5/11 18:47] geebo2b: melp, yeah serious conflicts can arise and a charge of 'sexual abuse' and hostile work environment can arise..It jeopordises the Company..so eventually it will 'Bite' them hard

[5/11 18:47] kurt: swan: I learned al ot from reading Sally’s book so that I knew what I was doing to Dot and vice versa. It also keeps us on somewhat of the same page and I don't feel like I'm hiding something from her. That was one of my problems in the past

[5/11 18:47] melp: Does anyone know an "average" MLC period for sure, I say "average" because it is probably really broad, I feel if OW would walk away we would have a better chance. how long do affairs usually last?

[5/11 18:47] Dot: sbky: in my darkest moment I knew God was right next to me, hang in there

[5/11 18:47] Cricket2: Dot - That is wonderful that you discuss the books because often we take different things from books we read & each of you can share something different.

[5/11 18:48] Yoli: Joannie: Well I feel clueless. That explains why you seem familiar. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

[5/11 18:48] sbky: Dot I do know that he is here. I would have lost my mind if he wasn’t

[5/11 18:48] geebo2b: sbky: that is understandable..God probably is telling you that..but you must decide to prepare your heart /mind/soul/spirit for the long haul

[5/11 18:48] helpme: Hannah; How was your day? Did you get to spend time with your kids?

[5/11 18:49] melp: That's what I figured gee, why would the company tolerate him sleeping with her, He is a VP, she a director, she could accuse him of anythig at this point if she wanted

[5/11 18:49] Cricket2: melp - mlc can range a great deal. It's been said that typically it runs about 5 yrs but many things can affect the time line. It helps if we learn about mlc & don't put up walls.

[5/11 18:49] vsingh: cricket: does Jim advise taking legal action if h does not comply

[5/11 18:49] kurt: melp: I don't know what average time is but I've been in the mlc zone for about 7 yrs. Sorry. but I think I've turned the corner.

[5/11 18:49] sbky: geebo, I am 2 years into this.. and 21 years into the relationship.. so I am in it for the long haul

[5/11 18:50] Dot: melp: you might want to remind him that he could lose more than he thinks if he keeps this up

[5/11 18:50] Cricket2: All - Got kicked off.

[5/11 18:50] geebo2b: melp; in my 'observation' the affairs last shorter if there are no open hostilities by the 'left spouse' Those hostilities cause the affair to lengthen because they have a 'common enemy'

[5/11 18:50] Yoli: kurt: You read the erotic mind first? Is it worth buying? I've read so many books. Someone finally told me to just read the bible which makes sense.

[5/11 18:50] kurt: melp: one of the things I found out about 3 yrs ago was that my testosterone levels were well below normal for my age. Yeah hormones affecting men!! LOL

[5/11 18:50] Swanlake: Kurt - I am so glad you and Dot are not restricting yourselves to books by the gender they were written for, I know for myself I have read books not written directly for women but they have helped me so much to get an understanding. And I love that

[5/11 18:50] melp: Dot: what do you mean?

[5/11 18:51] geebo2b: sbky: I understand..I am going into 5 years after 11 years of marriage..and there are those here going much longer

[5/11 18:51] vsingh: melp: You are not alone. God will give strength. Grow with God

[5/11 18:51] Cricket2: Geebo - I agree - often when we don't understand mlc - While hurting we can put up wall that make it more difficult

[5/11 18:51] Joannie: Melp, these AW are bandaids to the real issues. just because the current AW disappeared doesn't mean he'd turn back to you and come home. Doesn't work like that usually

[5/11 18:51] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme, I had a good day, brunch with my children, grandson and my daughter in laws family.

[5/11 18:51] helpme: Cricket2; Hello, How are things going for you?

[5/11 18:51] Dot: all: I feel like modern medicine has figured out menopause and now they realize that mlc is a reality for many men, how can soooo many men be going through the same thing and it not be real?

[5/11 18:51] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme, did your children phone you?

[5/11 18:51] Swanlake: Kurt - continued - the two of you discuss the books together.

[5/11 18:51] Cricket2: Swan - I agree - I got so much out of Jim's book for Men in MLC - it helped me read the male perspective

[5/11 18:51] sbky: kurt, I think that might have something to do with my h ..

[5/11 18:51] geebo2b: melp: you don't want the couple to stay connected for the purpose of fighting a common foe..

[5/11 18:51] kurt: Yoli: I read it because my therapist wanted me to do "homework" I ordered it and Dot got to read it first and I got it when the ship came back in. My therapist said that it would be good for Dot to read it as well

[5/11 18:52] Joannie: Yoli, LOL, it's OK!!!! You've been on more when I was Fac. I think last week was the 1st time you'd seen me as Joannie

[5/11 18:52] kurt: swan: yes we try to and sometimes succeed!!!

[5/11 18:52] helpme: Hannah; That's good to hear. I got family pictures in the mail and also new pictures of grandson that they had taken...priceless!!

[5/11 18:52] Cricket2: Dot - Yes - some doctors seem now to recognize midlife but not as many as you would think

[5/11 18:52] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme, sbky lives in Kentucky, she may live near you.

[5/11 18:53] melp: It seems so weird how a responsible man can walk away from everything and never look back, he is night and day from 6 mos. ago

[5/11 18:53] Hannah [Facilitator]: Hey Cheyanne, happy Mother’s Day

[5/11 18:53] Dot: melp: she is 23 correct? I think at 23 I thought that "older men" were charming, sophisticated, she will wake up one day and realize it isn't going to work or he will wake up and realize it won't work

[5/11 18:53] cheyanne: hi hannah, happy mother’s day to you and all tonight

[5/11 18:53] Swanlake: Dot - I agree, it is so sad how Hollywood has made a joke out of midlife crisis and others make light of its affects.

[5/11 18:53] Cricket2: Helpme - I was sharing that since I got my praise, the enemy has been attacking (nail in tire, water heater broke, etc) but God keeps covering me

[5/11 18:53] helpme: Hannah; Yes, my boys called today... dil saw to it!

[5/11 18:53] geebo2b: kurt: I think my hormone levels are low..but I really love helping others and don't feel a need to 'do 'off the wall things; to capture some little fragment of life that I felt I may have missed

[5/11 18:53] sbky: helpme, I am in southeastern, KY

[5/11 18:54] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme, when are you going up there?

[5/11 18:54] kurt: sbky: I have told all my brothers to get it checked, we are all in the age range to get it checked but you have to ask your doctor to order it since it isn't a normal lab test for the average 40 year old male physical

[5/11 18:54] geebo2b: kurt: my dad , on the other hand..went absolutely crazy in his MLC..

[5/11 18:54] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky how long has your h been in mlc ?

[5/11 18:54] Dani [Facilitator]: Vsingh.....One thing that I learned the hard way is that I cannot "make" anything happen while my husband is in MLC. Any of those steps that I took to "wake him up" really didn't work. He had to go through the process and I needed to give him the time, patience and support to do that....even though it took us down some painful roads

[5/11 18:54] melp: they have been seeing each other on and off since end of Dec, such a huge age difference, can't imagine being seen with such an older man when I was 23, I would have been embarrassed.

[5/11 18:55] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme, did you see your mom?

[5/11 18:55] Cricket2: Melp - We've all talked about how our H's change during this... like taken by body snatchers... but after healed from mlc, they are even better than before. It helped me so much to reach some of the books recommended on this site & understand

[5/11 18:55] kurt: Geebo: medicine is finding that testosterone like estrogen is important for many functions in the body, not just sex drive

[5/11 18:55] vsingh: dani: But should I do what I need to legally?

[5/11 18:55] Dani [Facilitator]: Hi Cheyanne! good to see you!

[5/11 18:55] Yoli: kurt: Okay, I'm going to try & find it. I too want to say that I think it's very admirable of you to research the problems you were having, finding what it was, & working on them. Your wife is a very lucky woman!

[5/11 18:55] Hannah [Facilitator]: cheyanne, did you see your sons today?

[5/11 18:56] Cricket2: Melp -Again, this OW is like a drug to your H at a time he's getting older his ego is hurting but the truth will hit.

[5/11 18:56] geebo2b: kurt: I have thought of getting my levels checked..as I also suffer from a pretty sever clinical depression

[5/11 18:56] Hannah [Facilitator]: vsingh, pray about it but Jim will usually tell us to protect ourselves financially

[5/11 18:56] helpme: Hannah; I need to wait till H takes money to courthouse, will need to help on gas.

[5/11 18:56] Hannah [Facilitator]: Lord Jesus Help us to be a good spouse. We fully realize that we don't have what it takes to be one without Your help. Take away our selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long suffering,, and the willingness to bear all things. Take our old emotional habits, mindsets, automatic reactions, rude assumptions, and self protective stance, and make me patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self controlled. Take the hardness of my heart and break down the walls with Your battering ram of revelation. Give us a new heart and work in us Your love, peace, and joy. We are not able to rise above who we are at this moment. Only You can transform us. Show us where there is sin in our heart, especially with regard to our spouse. We confess the times we have been unloving, critical, angry, resentful, disrespectful, or unforgiving toward them. Help us to put aside any hurt, anger, or disappointment we feel and forgive them the way You do - totally and completely, no looking back. Make us a tool of reconciliation, peace, and healing in this marriage. Enable us to communicate well and rescue us from the threshold of separation where the realities of divorce begin. Teach us how to pray for our spouses and make our prayers a true language of love. Where love has died, create new love between us. Show us what unconditional love really is and how to communicate it in a way they can clearly perceive. Bring unity between us so that we can be in agreement about everything. May the God of patience and comfort grant us to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus. Make us a team not pursuing separate, competitive or independent lives, but working together, overlooking each other's faults and weaknesses for the greater good of the marriage. We pray that our commitment to You and to one another will grow stronger and more passionate every day. Help us to understand their dreams and see things from their perspective. Reveal to us what they want and need and show us potential problems before they arise. Breathe Your life into our marriages. Help us to see them with new eyes, new appreciation, new love, new compassion, and new acceptance. We ask all this in your might name. Amen.

[5/11 18:56] kurt: Geeb: it is important in cardiac health and bone density. If your libido is low and you’re not getting along with your wife you start wondering what is going on and that maybe your "love " is over

[5/11 18:56] Dot: Melp: I agree with Cricket, she is a drug.

[5/11 18:56] Cricket2: Kurt - And you are so lucky to have a woman who didn't slam the door & is working with you. You are both incredible & we're so glad you joined us

[5/11 18:57] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme, he didn't take any down Friday?

[5/11 18:57] helpme: Hannah; No, I called her but the only thing she wanted to know/talk about was when am I going to move.

[5/11 18:57] Swanlake: Well I am going to log off for tonight, see you all tomorrow. Dot, we hope you join us again, especially while Kurt is on deployment. Many of us here have connections to the military and understand having our husband's shipped off for months.

[5/11 18:57] geebo2b: melp: your H is living in the 'ultimate male fantasy' right now..the " I am such a stud to get a 23 year old interested' BUT

[5/11 18:57] Joannie: Hannah, AMEN honey AMEN

[5/11 18:57] melp: maybe they are still in the honeymoon phase, he is giving up so much to be with her.

[5/11 18:57] Dani [Facilitator]: Vsingh....Jim recommends letting your attorney be the "heavy " when it come to legal matters to protect yourself. There are many choices you can make and you are really the only one that can say what you need to do

[5/11 18:57] geebo2b: melp: but it won't last..what she is getting will not suffice for her life..when she finally dumps him..his self-worth will plunge

[5/11 18:57] Cricket2: AMEN & AMEN

[5/11 18:57] Yoli: All: Thanks. I thoroughly enjoyed being here tonight.

[5/11 18:57] cheyanne: hannah, no son did not have a visit day today but I saw him yesterday...the biggest praise with him is he is reading the bible, yeah

[5/11 18:58] geebo2b: Kurt" interesting..

[5/11 18:58] vsingh: amen

[5/11 18:58] kurt: geeb: you should it is seen in all males with depression. just taking testosterone allowed me to come off anti depressants and now that is all I use

[5/11 18:58] geebo2b: all;;blessing..Lord willing will see you all next week

[5/11 18:58] Dot: all: thanks!, Kurt I love you

[5/11 18:58] helpme: Hannah; Amen!!

[5/11 18:58] Hannah [Facilitator]: chey is he still in the hospital?

[5/11 18:58] kurt: cricket: I am and I know.

[5/11 18:59] vsingh: dani: my h will know I sought out attorney

[5/11 18:59] melp: I just don't see them getting sick of each other, they spend a lot of time together, I never hear him say I love you to her on the phone when I see him talking quietly to her it sounds like talking to a friend.

[5/11 18:59] sbky: hannah, looking back I saw signs maybe 3 years ago..

[5/11 18:59] geebo2b: kurt: I will check it out as anti-depressants seem to have no beneficial effects

[5/11 18:59] geebo2b: nite all, blessings..Special Blessings on you Kurt and Dot!

[5/11 18:59] Joannie: all, I need to log out. Spent entire weekend at parent’s house. dad was out of town and mom had her pacemaker replaced. Slept on couch for 2 nights. I need my bed! Mom's doing well though and dad's home safe.

[5/11 18:59] helpme: Hannah; Yes H took money down, but I'm trying to catch up on my winter gas bill so making as much payments as possible when I can.

[5/11 18:59] sbky: kurt what other symptoms are there

[5/11 19:00] cheyanne: hannah, no he got moved back to the jail but we are trying to get him moved back to the hospital

[5/11 19:00] vsingh: dani: my d is over, and I went to attorney to make him comply

[5/11 19:00] Cricket2: All - I need to go... Happy Mother's Day - Blessings to all.

[5/11 19:00] Joannie: God's blessing to all. Our spouses are covered in the precious blood of Jesus!

[5/11 19:00] kurt: geeb: one of the best effects is raising your "maleness" that is important in self confidence.

[5/11 19:01] helpme: God Bless Each And Every One. In my prayers, good night

[5/11 19:01] vsingh: good night, all are in my prayers

[5/11 19:01] kurt: sbky: you can Google low testosterone or the product Testim which is what I take. There is a associated website that list symptoms of low testosterone or Andropause

[5/11 19:01] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme, how was your mom today?

[5/11 19:01] melp: I pray for all of us in this difficult time, bless you all, keep us from hurting, help us to see the light... amen

[5/11 19:02] cheyanne: good night all just wanted to say hi and Happy Mother’s Day to all of you and Geebo too for all you do for you kids...happy father’s day

[5/11 19:02] Hannah [Facilitator]: All it is time to close the chat room, it will be open at 9pm et tomorrow. Remember to keep us all in prayer.

[5/11 19:02] sbky: kurt . thanks

[5/11 19:02] kurt: all: good night

[5/11 19:02] sbky: I don’t remember to come here very often but when I do, I hate when the hour is over. thanks so much

[5/11 19:02] Dani [Facilitator]: Vsingh....I think I always had to ask myself what my motives were when dealing with the legal matters.....was I trying to "make something happen".....was it loving and expressing love.....was it protecting myself or my kids? Sometimes it was hard to figure out exactly what they were,.....but when I did, it was easier for me to tell if I was making the right decision or not.

[5/11 19:03] Hannah [Facilitator]: anybody else having problems with chat tonight? I keep getting delays in my typing and if I drag down it is all blurred?

[5/11 19:04] Dani [Facilitator]: Good night all....Yes Hannah....i keep getting bumped off and that usually doesn't happen....perhaps the weather?

[5/11 19:04] Hannah [Facilitator]: sbky, come back tomorrow night, the same time

[5/11 19:04] Hannah [Facilitator]: Goodnight everybody.

[5/11 19:05] Dani [Facilitator]: Good night!

[5/11 19:14] Jo [Facilitator]: Good night everyone. I just got home from a Mother's Day dinner, family.

[5/11 18:13] Yoli: Hannah, Dani: Hi guys, I'm doing okay. How about you all? Hope you all had a good day. My older daughter & boyfriend came in & we all went out to eat. I was kind of sad when younger d called h & he wanted to know about our plans. He was in his apartment alone.

[5/11 18:16] Dani [Facilitator]: Yoli, It is sad for us, but so sad for them too.

[5/11 18:18] Yoli: Dani: It is sad. Girls bought me a beautiful bracelet & then paid for lunch with his credit card. I wanted to invite him but he's still so stubborn. I do have a question though. Maybe you can help. I feel that I need to send h an email telling him something similar to what Charlyne told Bob about waiting forever for him. Especially right now, because yet another day for families to celebrate has come & he's so alone. Any suggestions?


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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud