Midlife Dimensions


New Year's Eve - 12/31/10

8:22 PM [hepsy] km2 - well, I am having a small setback.. Usually I am not worrying about h and trusting the lord. But today I snooped in h's things and found what looks to be a secret mailbox that he has. I am wondering why and of course all kinds of things are going through my head.

8:25 PM [Cricket] Hepsy - STOP STOP STOP - That is the trouble with snooping, you find something that just plants more doubt and leads to pain. It doesn't matter why he may have secrets. Most of them think they want to run but it is their confusion. If we snoop, it just gives them an excuse to leave and blame us for not trusting them. NO SNOOPING


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December 31, 2010/Friday 6-7 pm PST/CR#4.

8:01 PM [swan] Hello everyone, welcome to Friday evening chat

8:01 PM [Lil2Spunki] Hi swan, it is almost sad that I have to spend New Year’s Eve on chat...lol.

8:03 PM [swan] Lil2Spunki - I understand what you are saying, however, I consider it an honor to be here with all of the wonderful people I have come to know over the past years. I would rather be with my husband, but he is off doing his own thing for now.

8:04 PM [Lil2Spunki] swan - Yep... isn't that the truth. My H is playing little email games with me right now. It is S 18th birthday tomorrow. H dropped the divorce bomb this last Sunday and said he would not be returning home.

8:04 PM [swan] Hey Cricket - are the kitties happy to be backing home? I love the pictures, especially the latest one of them on the sofa.

8:05 PM [swan] Lil2Spunki - it is only a game if you participate in playing.

8:06 PM [Lil2Spunki] swan - I shouldn't say it is a game but he has not contacted any of the kids since Christmas day and now wants to know what we are doing for S 18th birthday. I am keeping the responses to the point and spaced.

8:07 PM [FaithinGod] Hello all

8:07 PM [Lil2Spunki] Hepsy - long time no chat  

8:07 PM [plumcrazy] Hello ALL

8:07 PM [FaithinGod] Hey Plum

8:08 PM [Lil2Spunki] Hello Plumcrazy, FaithinGod & Cricket

8:08 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - ha. So it is!!lol

8:08 PM [swan] Lil2Spunki - as long as he is being respectful, sounds like you are doing good, but if he becomes disrespectful it is acceptable to tell him you have already given him all the information and then not respond anymore.

8:08 PM [Cricket] Happy New Year - I know this is a difficult time but keep in mind that the Lord is working in our spouses, in us, and in our families. Here on earth, we get impatient, but all of this is in His timing. We need to trust the Lord as He is working even though we don't see.

8:08 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN---I started the Love Dare

8:09 PM [FaithinGod] Hello MAS

8:09 PM [hepsy] all - question - I snooped in h's things. Found that he has a secret postal box in the city that he works in (about an hour away). Why do you think he has this?

8:09 PM [Lil2Spunki] swan - His last email to me was at 7:15pm. He did ask a couple of questions but I am just going to wait to respond and hopefully it will end at that. I do not particularly like him today.

8:09 PM [swan] plumcrazy - that's good, did you already finish the Boundaries book?

8:09 PM [FaithinGod] Plum @ :08 that is awesome

8:09 PM [MAS] Hello everyone.

8:10 PM [Lil2Spunki] MAS - Ok.. I have been praying for you. How are you doing?

8:10 PM [hepsy] all - it is all I can do to keep my mouth from confronting him!!!!!!!

8:10 PM [MAS] Hi FaithinGod.

8:10 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Remember Shut thy mouth  

8:11 PM [Cricket] swan - Yes they were very happy to be home and they've even bonded a lot more since we got home. I think I sent you a pix of them together.

8:11 PM [plumcrazy] ALL--my H has been watching TV shows past few days and when rude or nasty comments are made about someone H laughs this really disturbing almost evil laugh. Kids asked him what was wrong and when he told them what he was laughing about they told him that that wasn’t very nice

8:11 PM [FaithinGod] Hepsy at :09 hiding things and lying is something that most MLCers do.

8:11 PM [swan] Cricket - yeah you did send the one of them together, so cute

8:11 PM [geebo2b] Hi all..happy new year

8:11 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN---Waiting on that book through the library

8:11 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - he is home.. of course intoxicated as usual. His cell phone made the noise like someone leaving a email or text. He acts like he doesn't hear it then nonchalantly goes into the bathroom- I know to check it!!! I am so tired of this game.

8:11 PM [MAS] Lil2Spunki Thank you so much. I was just reading back and I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

8:12 PM [Cricket] ALL - Sorry, I got a call right as chat started.

8:12 PM [geebo2b] sad to hear about Aloha's situation..especially because my son deals with those substance abuse issues and now has developed type 2 diabetes

8:12 PM [Buttons] hepsy.... my His home too\

8:12 PM [swan] plumcrazy - they carry the Love Dare book at the Library, that's cool

8:12 PM [FaithinGod] Hello KM, Faithful, Blue and geebo

8:13 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - I am going to get on my knees tonight and pray that God will give you what you need in this. Our type A personalities don't help our situation. I know exactly how you are feeling right now.

8:13 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN---I asked H to stop laughing like that because it is very disturbing. No the love dare is on KLOVE in the archives day by day

8:13 PM [geebo2b] FaithinGod hello Faith

8:13 PM [Cricket] Hey all - Good to see you all here tonight - we have a nice cozy couch

8:13 PM [faithful] hello everyone

8:13 PM [Buttons] hepsy.... sorry, I'll try that again... my H is home too, has been in the house since he returned injured early last Jan.... it is REALLY hard to have them having contact with someone else.... I have learned to Ignore and Let God have control

8:13 PM [geebo2b] Cozy couch sounds better than a Crazy grouch  

8:13 PM [Cricket] Geebo - Yes it is sad to see the destruction caused by drugs & alcohol.

8:13 PM [FaithinGod] and hello buttons

8:13 PM [Buttons] ALL... Hello, SO nice to be able to join you even for a bit...

8:13 PM [hepsy] Lil2spunki - I will be praying for you as well. This is such a terrible thing..

8:14 PM [Lil2Spunki] MAS - Yeah it hurts to say the least. H is going to go bowling with us tomorrow night for S 18th birthday. All I know is that I am going to look hot!!

8:14 PM [plumcrazy] Geebo---Yes it is !!!

8:14 PM [Buttons] FaithinGod... hello

8:14 PM [hepsy] buttons - is your h contacting an ow?

8:14 PM [Cricket] Geebo - Okay now you have me smiling... I guess we can call it whatever fits our mood.

8:14 PM [FaithinGod] Yes Geebo, yes it is very very sad

8:14 PM [plumcrazy] Geebo----the crazy grouch part is no fun!!1

8:14 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - I know you will have no problem looking great! You are very beautiful. Your husband is crazy.

8:15 PM [Bluesky] hi all, Happy New Year to all. MAS what did you decide to do for tonight?

8:15 PM [geebo2b] Cricket There is a man at messianic synagogue that we pray for every week substance abuse has driven him to the streets.. left a precious wife and daughter that goes to Synagogue..been in and out of rehab dozens of times..as recent as 2 weeks ago..

8:15 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - I responded to H's email about s 18th birthday. I think that he is planning on going bowling with us. Said that he has to do some laundry beforehand. I feel like the wayward home for MLCers.

8:15 PM [geebo2b] plumcrazy Truly

8:15 PM [Buttons] hepsy... I think when he first returned he was... now I don't think so... he has told me he has a business in the Philippines, opened after he returned, just a couple months ago... so yes... he was, I believe and now I think it is more business but I still wonder and it can be hard

8:15 PM [FaithinGod]  lil @ 14, you go girl!!!

8:15 PM [Cricket] swan - Until this week, they never would sleep together. The baby would approach & big sister knew she planned to attack &would hiss & spit and either slap at her or run. So this was huge and nice.

8:15 PM [hepsy] hi km2 - how are things?

8:15 PM [swan] plumcrazy @13 - so now you are even trying to tell him how to laugh!! Remember to be cautious in comments to your husband, he might be doing it because he knows it irritates you and might provoke you into an anger outburst. Can you remove yourself from the area he is in so you don't have to hear him?

8:16 PM [MAS] geebo2b My H has too. Recently developed health problems, soon after leaving... now has pancreatic issues which are a result of years of drinking.

8:16 PM [KM2] Hepsy - Hi. Doing well. and you?

8:16 PM [Buttons] hepsy... I have come quite a ways in my journey since it started last year... the one thing I have really focused on is letting go and letting God do his work and trusting God

8:16 PM [MAS] Buttons Hi Buttons, how are you?

8:16 PM [geebo2b] All Alohas' sitch reminds me of my dad ,, left my mom..then crazy antics and the last of a string of affairs that he engaged in over the course of our lives. then died of a heart attack.. but not until right after he prayed the sinner’s prayer, thanks to a chaplain at County hospital

8:16 PM [plumcrazy] ALL---Been thinking about Aloha and her H passing from liver cancer. Made me think of my 1st H who passed away last yr at 48 . Didn’t realize liver cancer was related to drinking guess his drinking finally killed him along with all the drugs he did

8:17 PM [Buttons] MAS... doing pretty good thanks... it's been a bit of an odd holiday season and a bit emotional but overall it was the quiet and such that I think I needed

8:17 PM [MAS] Lil2Spunki Good for you! Go for it, girl!

8:17 PM [Cricket] Geebo - Yes that's like my H's Dad. He'd was very talented musically and was even on Ted Mack Armature Hour as a young man. He became a bank president & won awards but ended up homeless having lost everything. The many years of alcohol abuse & med's damaged his brain and left him a very angry disabled man.

8:17 PM [Buttons] Plum... Hi, how are you?

8:17 PM [geebo2b] Cricket Sad and heartbreaking

8:18 PM [geebo2b] Cricket: Has anyone talked to Aloha about SS benefits. since she was married to him the longest she may be entitled to his SS benefits

8:18 PM [FaithinGod] (((Plum))) I am so very sorry

8:18 PM [MAS] Bluesky I'm on chat!! That's pretty much it!

8:18 PM [Buttons] ALL... I think that is what happened to my aunt's husband too... alcohol and drugs

8:18 PM [Bluesky] MAS I meant about your d's party?

8:18 PM [Lil2Spunki] MAS - I keep telling you that you need to go work it as well. I am going to practice what I preach. There is no way that he is going to just jump right back in the our family events without me partaking and having fun of my own. This is his problem to deal with and I refuse to let him bring me down (Well, at least in front of him..lol)

8:19 PM [hepsy] buttons - I am on year 3. My h has never left home. But I keep feeling that he is hiding something from me. Obviously he has a secret mailbox. What else? Who else? I am trying to trust God.. really I am..

8:19 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN---I asked him if he would please stop laughing like that as it is a very disturbing laugh. I was sitting at the computer and he was sitting behind me on the sofa. sent a cold chill down my spine

8:19 PM [Cricket] Buttons - You have really grown and I've enjoyed watching you grow stronger in your faith. God is really doing mighty work in you.

8:20 PM [plumcrazy] Hey BUTTONS nice to see you Happy New Year

8:20 PM [Cricket] Geebo - No I hadn't thought about that but the SS benefit thought is a good one. I'll try to pass that on.

8:20 PM [swan] plumcrazy - @19, so did he stop or laugh louder? Like I said, he seems to get enjoyment in provoking you to outburst of anger and does things he knows will achieve that.

8:20 PM [Buttons] cricket.... thank you... my GF has told me the same thing.... I feel I have slipped a little but that is mainly in the bible reading and not the prayer... the reading is energy after doing my three jobs

8:21 PM [Buttons] Plum... happy new year to you too

8:21 PM [geebo2b] Cricket..yes..since my mom was married to my dad the longest (it has to be a minimum of 10 years) she would have been eligible but she had remarried

8:21 PM [MAS] Bluesky I can't go.

8:21 PM [geebo2b] Cricket so the benefits got absorbed back into the system

8:21 PM [Buttons] hepsy.... I didn't KNOW my husband had any secret anything’s until after he'd left for a while... now I have to watch myself and keep myself from wondering.... God has been really good about that though

8:22 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN--I didn’t get angry. H didn’t say anything back to me So that is a BIG thing on his part

8:22 PM [Cricket] Hepsy - We have to trust the Lord and not look for what they hide. IT does not good, what we find just hurts and we can't change anything so best to give it to the Lord.

8:22 PM [geebo2b] Cricket, then when her next husband died..actually she had divorced him by then and his first wife who was married longer got his benefits

8:22 PM [hepsy] km2 - well, I am having a small setback.. Usually I am not worrying about h and trusting the lord. But today I snooped in h's things and found what looks to be a secret mailbox that he has. I am wondering why and of course all kinds of things are going through my head.

8:22 PM [MAS] Lil2Spunki But at least he won't be there with another woman.

8:23 PM [geebo2b] hepsy: Cardinal rule #1 NO SNOOPING..big mistake

8:23 PM [KM2] hepsy - I can understand your concern. How do you intend to handle this?

8:23 PM [Lil2Spunki] MAS - Well not in person. Could be one in his mind... which is just as bad. I suspect there is OW as my H moved out and I have found him to be sneaky and in several lies.

8:23 PM [Buttons] Hepsy.... yeah, I have learned that the hard way, as some here will tell you... you learn things you don't want to know... God will reveal as you need to know or your H will whenever the time comes...

8:23 PM [geebo2b] Hepsy, if you have been here any length of time..you know that about snooping..NO GOOD THING COMES FROM SNOOPING. only hurt pain, and anger by spouse for the spying when they find out

8:24 PM [Cricket] Geebo - Yes my Mom was able to apply for my Dad's SS even though he threw us out for an OW after many affairs. My Dad even fathered children with other women. I can't blame it on mlc, he was just a man filled with sin who had no conscience but my Mom was an angel and I was glad that she was able to finally receive help from him thru SS since they'd been married 17 yrs when he left.

8:24 PM [hepsy] km2 - idk.. I want to confront.. but I know that will only make things worse and he will be even more secretive. What do you think?

8:24 PM [faithful] All my s27 came over with his fiancé and is planning on staying with me to bring in the new year.

8:24 PM [Buttons] ALL... HAPPY NEW YEAR... my H is awake and we'll be heading next door soon.... take care and know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

8:24 PM [geebo2b] Cricket My mom and dad were married 31 years

8:24 PM [geebo2b] she never got over the divorce she was really really bitter

8:25 PM [faithful] geebo you would think after 30 years you would be together for life.

8:25 PM [plumcrazy] Hello KM2 ----Didn’t see you come in

8:25 PM [KM2] Hepsy - remind me again of your situation. are you and your husband still together?

8:25 PM [MAS] hepsy @22: I think it's normal to think those things.

8:25 PM [hepsy] geebo2b - I know, I know.... really I do... I don't even know what possessed me to snoop.

8:25 PM [KM2] Plumcrazy - Hi!!!

8:25 PM [plumcrazy] Buttons take care and have fun

8:25 PM [Cricket] Hepsy - STOP STOP STOP - That is the trouble with snooping, you find something that just plants more doubt and leads to pain. It doesn't matter why he may have secrets. Most of them think they want to run but it is their confusion. If we snoop, it just gives them an excuse to leave and blame us for not trusting them. NO SNOOPING

8:26 PM [hepsy] km2 - yes.. married 25 years. 3 years like this - terrible. no physical relationship. h sleeps on couch. 2 kids in college d19 s22.

8:26 PM [MAS] Lil2Spunki @23: I guess no matter what type of situation we're in, none of it is easy.

8:26 PM [geebo2b] hepsy: I know..the faint hope of discovering something that we can influence in a positive way.. or and understanding that will help us plan the next move..and the pain of the whole sitch and it seems it is all moving too slow

8:26 PM [hepsy] cricket - I know.. gosh, I feel like I am getting my hand slapped!

8:26 PM [Lil2Spunki] MAS - I can't tell you what to do but you are letting him feed your insecurity. Why should you be afraid to go to an event because of OW. Really, it is she that should feel out of place. You are letting him make you the victim and are setting the foreground that his new relationship is acceptable. Why allow him to dictate your presence anywhere?

8:26 PM [Cricket] Faithful - A member here - Jo had her H leave right after their 40th anniversary. He left for an OW, filed for divorce & married the OW months later. However he is connecting with her again now.

8:27 PM [geebo2b] hepsy: we are not slapping your hand..we are trying to help you not get crushed by the vehement anger of the spouse and usual setbacks of having snooped and the extra hurt that it brings rather than faith

8:27 PM [Cricket] Hepsy - YES you are getting your hand slapped because we love you and worry for the consequences. Many here have had snooping really bite them and cause some terrible consequences so it's because we care.

8:27 PM [Cricket] Geebo AMEN

8:27 PM [Lil2Spunki] Cricket & Hepsy - Sorry I am a bad influence... I would do the exact same thing. However, I have been through the whole cheating thing and I found that the answers stunk at the time but I was glad to know them in the end.

8:27 PM [KM2] Hepsy - Thanks. first thing I would do is pray and ask the Lord how He would like you to proceed.

8:27 PM [MAS] faithful @24: I'm so glad you're not alone.

8:28 PM [geebo2b] Cricket: is also right..a hand slapping to help keep you from the 'crushing'

8:28 PM [faithful] cricket that gives me hope but I know that I will be ok. Last night I really my h and just got on my knees and pray. That is all I can do for now. I am trying to enjoy my life that I have right now. Life is too short.

8:28 PM [plumcrazy] ALL---Dr called and said my stress test was normal. I did tell my Dr. I was still feeling the weird heart beat . He said keep track of it and contact him if I have pain etc. again

8:28 PM [KM2] Hepsy - Perhaps I've asked this before, is your husband a believer and is he interested in pursuing counseling?

8:29 PM [faithful] plum I am so glad I was worry for you.

8:29 PM [swan] Hepsy - not only do we get hurt when we snoop, but in some instances it is illegal and punishable by law. Even something as simple as email, even if it is one the same computer, so long as only one name is one the account, that is the only person authorized to access it and anyone else is in violation of the law. I know someone whose husband called the police and filed charges against her for snooping in his email and she has a court date. I haven't had time to research the legality, but she is very scared all the same.

8:29 PM [faithful] MAS yes I am bless that my son came back to me right at the right time. I was teaching my new daughter in law how to make cinnamon rolls. They are in the over right now.

8:29 PM [hepsy] hi dogwood.. you ok?

8:29 PM [Cricket] Lil2Spunki - I'm sorry but snooping never works out right. Our H's assume we can never trust them anyway and they look for an excuse to shut us out. I can't count the stories here how snooping blew up and made things much worse than they were. In one case, I know the person moved out & filed for divorce after a huge argument about snooping.

8:30 PM [Lil2Spunki] Cricket - Consider my thought process slapped  

8:30 PM [MAS] Lil2Spunki I don't want to even SEE the OW. I'm afraid of how I might react. I know I'd want to slap her. Sorry, I know that doesn't sound very Christian, but I'm not strong enough yet to deal with that kind of situation.

8:30 PM [Cricket] Plum - Good that the stress test came out normal. Do monitor it and keep your Dr informed though.

8:30 PM [hepsy] swan - it is just that it all makes me feel so crazy.. I guess I was looking for some sort of validation - that I am not crazy and that he is doing something behind my back.

8:30 PM [dogwood] hepsy & all-- Happy New Year's eve.

8:30 PM [faithful] swan I think all this privacy stuff has gotten out of control. They are our husband for crying out loud.

8:30 PM [plumcrazy] Faithful---sorry I missed you coming in Thanks for your concern. I will keep track of this weird sensation and follow up if symptoms come back Probably STRESS Don’t know WHY I would have any of that do you8)

8:30 PM [KM2] All - I have some great news to share. My W called the other day to let me know that she spoke with her attorney and has requested that she stop the divorce. PTL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8:30 PM [Lil2Spunki] MAS - Well you can only do what you can do. I will keep praying for you.

8:31 PM [plumcrazy] Km2-------praise the lord!!!!!!

8:31 PM [Lil2Spunki] KM2 - Praise God. That is wonderful news.

8:31 PM [faithful] km2 PTL

8:31 PM [hepsy] km2 - yes, he is a believer. We were both very active in our church - taught ss for over 13 years. He now refuses to go to church. Probably because he feels guilty. and running from God. He refuses counseling.. I just feel stuck..

8:31 PM [dogwood] Km2-- I am so glad to hear such a great news

8:31 PM [geebo2b] Hepsy: yes.. snooping shows us that is about 'us' and the 'us' in this situation is really a selfish us that needs some discipline

8:31 PM [Bluesky] KM2 that is wonderful news. I am happy for you.

8:32 PM [Cricket] Lil2Spunki - You mentioned being Type A and I consider myself that too. I'd been a detective for many many years and I'm definitely a "fixer" (in recovery) so I understand the tendency completely. There is on one who had more opportunity to snoop than I since my H & I (and the OW) worked at the same place. BUT I realized pretty quickly and Jim Conway explained reasons and then things happened here to show me it is not worth it.

8:32 PM [swan] faithful - spouse or not, it is kind of like opening someone else's mail even though it comes to the same house, if it isn't addressed to you it is a violation of their privacy and considered illegal in some states.

8:32 PM [KM2] Thanks all!!!!!!!!!!! It’s nothing short of answered prayer.

8:32 PM [hepsy] km2 - I am happy for you... remind me.. how long has this been going on for you? I am on year 3

8:33 PM [faithful] MAS I know what you mean because I do not think that I would be strong enough to be in front of the OW and probably do more than slap her. My son has requested he come alone to his wedding if he comes to the wedding. I was very thankful to my son for considering my emotions.

8:33 PM [Cricket] KM2 - WOW that is a huge praise. Thank the Lord and do keep working on you. Let your W see that you are continuing to grow and your changes are real.

8:33 PM [MAS] swan @29: A situation like this was all over the news this past week, except in this case it was the wife who filed charges against the husband. He is now facing charges as well.

8:34 PM [KM2] hepsy - what are your interactions like? Do you talk or do things together? Is there someone that he respects that would be willing to talk with him. Perhaps invite him out for dinner to talk things over.

8:34 PM [Lil2Spunki] Cricket - I think that I am at the place that it takes too much energy to snoop. I just have been praying that God will open my eyes and present it. I think that I am going under the assumption that H is or has been cheating. His own guilt will be punishment enough for him. Like I said, I have been that road before. My snooping was talking with OW after the fact.

8:34 PM [dogwood] faithful--good for your son who understands the right way to handle the situations

8:34 PM [swan] hepsy - @30 - not knowing might make you crazy, but typically what is found is far more hurtful and can create way more consequences that we want. I used to have to ask myself if I wanted to have the anxious feeling or the gut wrenching hurt, I stuck with the anxiety after many time of being slapped by snooping.

8:35 PM [geebo2b] ?? my chat screen is all grayed out hmm???

8:35 PM [MAS] Hi dogwood, how are you?

8:35 PM [faithful] all I personally do not want to know what h is doing. Is better that way for me.

8:35 PM [swan] MAS - Wow, so it is happening in other places too, yep we need to be very cautious when the snooping bug starts to bite us.

8:36 PM [Cricket] MAS/Faithful - I understand. I certainly would rather have not had to face the OW but since she worked in the same building I did and she made a point of contacting me over and over, I had no choice. I knew she was trying to cause me to lash out at her and do something that she could use against me so I refused to let her have that opportunity. She was really in my face, coming up to me at work, hugging me & thanking me for things I did in work, approaching me at coffee shops, etc.

8:36 PM [Lil2Spunki] KM2 - How long have you been dealing with W's MLC?

8:36 PM [swan] geebo2b @35 - that's because you left and came back in, any chat still on the screen, but before your entry will be gray.

8:36 PM [Cricket] MAS/Faithful - Friends and coworkers didn't know how I didn't lose it but I kept telling myself that was what she wanted & I refused to give her the satisfaction.

8:37 PM [hepsy] km2 - he refuses. he is self medicating with alcohol. usually intoxicated at night. Last time I intervened and the associate pastor tried to contact him, h got very angry with me. the only person that is influencing him is his best friend - who, by the way, just divorced his own wife!!!

8:37 PM [Cricket] Faithful - YES it is much easier not to know. All the more reason not to snoop. The more we know the more we have to visualize

8:37 PM [KM2] Lil2Spunki - a little less than a year.

8:37 PM [dogwood] MAS-- Helped DIL preparing for the New Year's dinner party and enjoyed special dinner she has made enjoyed the company of her family. whenever thought of the days approaching when I fly home, I worry about how to handle the situation with H and how to live in an empty house when he moves out.

8:37 PM [geebo2b] swan Ok

8:38 PM [Bluesky] all, my h is leaving in 10 days for Asia. My d just told me the movers are coming next week. I was blown away that he is taking his golf, surfboard, hockey equipment. That to me is a serious move.

8:38 PM [Lil2Spunki] KM2 - Wow you are very fortunate. Is she trying to reconnect at this point or just stopping the divorce process?

8:38 PM [hepsy] bluesky - how do you feel about it?

8:38 PM [faithful] dogwood just ask God to guide your speech and actions.

8:38 PM [MAS] faithful @33: I agree. That was extremely thoughtful and considerate of your son. Do you know how your H responded?

8:38 PM [Cricket] Hepsy - Sometimes these friends realize that they made a mistake and can actually be a good influence on our H's. My H had a coworker of ours with many marriages/divorces - He went to my H and told him that he wished he'd have taken another path, that it wasn't worth it & he wished he hadn't messed up his marriages.

8:38 PM [plumcrazy] BLUESKY---Sorry this is happening. That must be hard to watch

8:39 PM [Lil2Spunki] Bluesky - Sorry to hear about the move. Well, no matter where he goes, his thought process goes with him and he can't run away from that.

8:39 PM [Bluesky] hepsy I am okay with him leaving, but it does bother me a bit to know he is taking is hobbies with him. I don't know why. I assumed he would just work work work. But he is going to create a life there, I guess.

8:40 PM [faithful] MAS no, I try not to ask son only if he offers to tell me. Is hard and I have to bite my tongue.

8:40 PM [dogwood] faithful-- Yes, will remember what you have advised me. I don't even know how to respond to his question like: Have you talked with son about what to do? etc.

8:40 PM [hepsy] bluesky - I am sorry...

8:40 PM [Cricket] Lil2Spunki - God has put things in my path and I understand how that can happen too. You are right that if you are meant to know, God will show you in the right thing

8:41 PM [Lil2Spunki] Cricket @ 38 - My H has attached himself to a friend that is supposed to be a fellow Christian but I don't understand why he and his wife would enable my H's behavior.

8:41 PM [KM2] Lil2Spunki - a little less than a year.

8:41 PM [MAS] Cricket @36 I know about your interaction with the OW and I often think about that when trying to deal with my situation. However, since I do have the choice, I'd rather not put myself in that position. To me, it's like being masochistic and why would I want to create more pain for myself?

8:42 PM [hepsy] cricket - well, unfortunately, his friend is in the early stages I am afraid and is enjoying his new found freedom. No regrets yet..

8:42 PM [Cricket] MAS - I'm not saying to look for opportunities to face the OW, but also don't let the OW push us out if your H wants you included. But if I didn't have to have contact, I wouldn't look for it.

8:42 PM [KM2] Lil2Spunki - we're working toward reconnecting. However, while she is the one that actually left, I had a lot to do with that. I had a lot of things to work out.

8:42 PM [faithful] dogwood when h first left my son move in with me temporary to help me get thru the worst part. He move out after 6 months when I was more stable and could handle it on my own. Now I am doing good dealing with kids and work on my own. I can actually pay my own bills on my own.

8:42 PM [dogwood] MAS-- yes, I think you are doing the right thing

8:42 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Maybe we should be praying harder for all the influencing friends of our MLCers?

8:42 PM [Cricket] Hepsy - Time will show the friend differently.

8:43 PM [MAS] dogwood @37: I know and I understand. I will be thinking about you and praying for you.

8:43 PM [Bluesky] swan, when you edit, could you remove my post about h and his hobbies etc... thanks

8:43 PM [swan] Bluesky - will do

8:43 PM [Cricket] Dogwood/MAS/BlueSky/Plum/faithful - Our little friend from retreat uni4God is the name she took but she thought about mini me - Sent a text wishing everyone a happy new year and sending her love. She said she hopes to be able to get to chat soon.

8:43 PM [Lil2Spunki] KM2 - Amen! At least you are recognizing that you also need to work on yourself. I will be adding you to my prayers as well that 2011 will bring a better year for you.

8:44 PM [faithful] dogwood I remember weeping on my son shoulder because I did not know how to pay the bills on the computer. He just held me and did not know what to do. I overcame it and now I have my own bank account and can pay my bills.

8:44 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - I agree. You know not this past summer but the one prior, I had prayed for a godly man to come into h's life and help him see the truth. Turns out, a wonderful 80 old dr. who is friends with my h's boss confronted my h and told him he was depressed and drinking too much. Unfortunately, my h did not heed his advice.

8:44 PM [KM2] Lil2Spunki - Thank you.

8:44 PM [dogwood] faithful-- thank you for sharing your experience. I would consider doing the same

8:44 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - But I am sure that there must have been a seed planted.

8:44 PM [plumcrazy] CRICKET----I was wondering about her yesterday but couldn’t remember the chat name she chose. Glad to hear about here

8:45 PM [faithful] cricket how is her and her h doing?

8:45 PM [hepsy] cricket - h's friend has two sons, one in college and other a senior in hs. Both were terribly affected by his choice to divorce.

8:45 PM [Cricket] BlueSky - They all think they will start this new single life when the move. My H planned all these single life things when he moved to his new condo after he first left. But in reality he didn't do any of the things he'd planned. They have a fantasy of what life will be but seldom is it reality. Also hobbies can be a way to avoid facing reality.

8:45 PM [MAS] Cricket @42: Exactly. That's why I'm not going to the New Year's Eve party...It would just be way too painful to see them together and I have no interest in meeting the woman.

8:46 PM [Cricket] Hepsy/Faithful - She didn't say, only sent the short text with Happy NY & missing everyone.

8:46 PM [Bluesky] Cricket thanks doll, you can always make sense of something.

8:46 PM [Cricket] Hepsy - They hear it, my H had same things happen - they don't want to hear or heed the advice but in time, these messages sink in.

8:46 PM [swan] All - I got a phone call from Helping tonight and she is doing well. Her younger son invited her husband to Christmas with the family and he didn't respond, but on Christmas he knocked on the door, spent almost three hours with them and didn't bring the other woman. Please keep Helping and her family in prayer. Her mobility is limited, she doesn't have a vehicle, internet, television, etc. so she is alone with her thoughts a lot these days.

8:46 PM [faithful] MAS that is so sad how society has come to callous that even though they are married the OW is accepted.

8:47 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - this dr. friend is someone my h truly admires and respects.. unfortunately, I think the alcohol clouds his thinking.

8:47 PM [plumcrazy] MAS-----You could ACCIDENTALLY spill your drink on the OW OOOPS did I SAY that out loud?????

8:47 PM [Cricket] BlueSky - He's built a fantasy of his move but fantasies aren't real. Reality will hit soon.

8:47 PM [Bluesky] swan I was just thinking about her the other day. So glad to hear about her. Sure miss her.

8:47 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN----Glad to hear about Helping and her family. Was wondering about here

8:47 PM [plumcrazy] her Man cant type

8:48 PM [swan] plumcrazy @47 - MAS has too much class for that, she is a true lady!!

8:48 PM [MAS] Cricket @43: Oh! I've been thinking about her off and on and wondering how she was doing. Is she okay?

8:48 PM [KM2] Lil2Spunki - Thank you.

8:48 PM [Cricket] MAS - I understand not staying at a NY Eve Party at least to midnight. But it wouldn't hurt to dress really great, look your best & drop in if you can manage.

8:48 PM [Bluesky] Cricket you are right.

8:48 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Yes, I think that a seed was planted and he does carry it with him. Chances are that he has plenty of seeds that he is carrying around. We should just call him Johnny Appleseed.

8:49 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN----We all THINK about doing those things but don’t DO them. Thinking about it though can give us a private laugh that may be needed

8:49 PM [Cricket] swan - Thanks she's called a few times but not for some time. Will keep her in prayers.

8:49 PM [faithful] Cricket it would be good if you had a friend who could go with you and just be there for support. Look great and act like you are having a grand time. Just a taught.

8:49 PM [geebo2b] All.. it is interesting ..when you are in interactions with MLC spouse there is a certain pain and anxiety you face..then there is the weird pain of feeling like you have made all kinds of willing adjustments and have been denied 100% input from seeing or hearing from spouse (ex) so you never know if what you have learned would mean anything as is my case and Boscosdad's case

8:50 PM [swan] Bluesky - she misses all of us too. I have been so busy lately I haven't talked with her in a while. I know she talks with Hannah often. Both of her son's live away from where she is, so she doesn't see them all the time. Oh and another good news thing, her youngest son and his bride are having a baby this summer.

8:50 PM [faithful] I meant MAS at 49

8:50 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - I am sure you are right... what is it in me that just feelings like screaming and confronting? I won't do it, but I have that feeling so bad. Is it pride? What do I need to ask God to remove from my heart?

8:50 PM [MAS] faithful @46: Isn't that the truth! Even my own D accepts her!

8:50 PM [Cricket] Faithful - I agree & I knew you meant MAS. When MAS is strong enough, I think that would be a great idea.

8:50 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - perhaps just your type A personality  

8:50 PM [geebo2b] All :in my case, there is a peculiar pain in feeling like you have all these changes and the spouse has denied any and all contact so that you are holding all of this alone and feeling totally stupid

8:51 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - would you feel like that too?

8:51 PM [plumcrazy] HEPSY---That feeling is ANGER and HURT. It makes you want to strike out at H like he has you

8:51 PM [Bluesky] swan is her son still stateside?

8:51 PM [hepsy] plumcrazy - yes, I feel like striking hard!!

8:51 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Journal it on paper tonight before going to bed. I still write letters to my H in my journal and it helps. You can even write not so nice things and he will never know.

8:51 PM [KM2] Hepsy - hang in there.

8:52 PM [faithful] cricket do you still miss your h. I still find myself missing him so much and would give up everything I have to live with him in the one bedroom apartment. When do the feeling go away.

8:52 PM [swan] Bluesky - yes he is stateside

8:52 PM [plumcrazy] HEPSY----Speaking from EXPERIENCE do NOT do that It only makes things much worse and may drive him further away

8:52 PM [Bluesky] swan that is super news.

8:52 PM [MAS] plumcrazy/swan: Don't think that thought hadn't crossed my mind, but thank you, swan, for the compliment!

8:53 PM [Cricket] Hepsy - Remember that these OW are damaged dysfunctional women (or men) who are in this position due to their own past. I became close to a woman at church who confided to me that she'd been an OW. She explained that she'd been molested by her father all her life & her Mom didn't protect. When she left home, she felt damaged & unworthy & looked to instant gratification. She shared how it took years and she still has baggage but is now a Christian, married to a great Christian man and has wonderful kids. Also PLUM is right. We have some of those stories here too

8:53 PM [MAS] Cricket @48: But why???

8:53 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - I would totally feel like that but part of what I am changing and continually working on daily is how I handle anger and frustration. Rather than lashing out, I pray first and try to turn into calm. Surprisingly, God is doing some great things in me. Not that I was ever mean, but I would be able to speak my mind and be forward about things.

8:53 PM [hepsy] plumcrazy - I won't... I want to.. but I won't..

8:54 PM [Cricket] Faithful - I do pretty well now but I keep pretty busy. There are still times but when my H was reconnecting for a year+, I could see his anger & that he didn't treat me as he should. Jim Conway and close friends of mine actually worried for me not wanting me to settle for that treatment. Wait for him to be healed.

8:55 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - oh, I agree in that I have definitely grown throughout this experience. 3 years ago I was screaming and having terrible fits, giving ultimatums, etc... of course only made things worse. I do pray for wisdom and patience.. I guess today I am not feeling good due to snooping..

8:55 PM [faithful] Lil2spunki @53 that is how I was. I have really learn not to scream and not to let things bother me. Sometimes is not easy. But sad to say my kids took a lot of the anger that came out in the form of screaming. I am much calmer now and we have settle into our life.

8:55 PM [MAS] plumcrazy @49: That's so true. Sometimes just THINKING about those things can help keep our sanity...as long as we don't do them, as you said.

8:56 PM [Cricket] MAS - Those opportunities to accept an invitation from your H and show up looking your best, putting your best foot forward are great opportunities to stir great memories in him, see your growth and plant a seed of what life can be if he were home. Also - I know for a fact that the OW hated when I showed up looking great, acting happy and seemed to have a good time. She tried to portray me in a different light and she felt very threatened by me. My H shared stories but I could see it in her when I went.

8:57 PM [wiffe] HI all

8:57 PM [Lil2Spunki] faithful hepsy - It is amazing what God will do when you ask him for the help to do it. I wasn't necessarily a screamer or a fighter. My H is non confrontational and anytime that I escalated my voice because I was excitable or passionate about something, he would perceive that as confrontation. I am really working on having a consistent tone of voice and even temperament... with the kids as well.

8:57 PM [wiffe] Cricket - I believe it is you who sent me the emails thank you.

8:58 PM [Bluesky] all, 2011 is going to be for me.

8:58 PM [Cricket] Lil2Spunki - Yes the Lord does show us areas that we can improve and grow. I have a friend here who has admitted that she really needed to work on handling her anger better & she has.

8:58 PM [Lil2Spunki] Cricket @ 56 - I love that. Stir the pot girl. Make the H think.

8:58 PM [MAS] Cricket @56: Well, it wasn't an invitation from my H, it was from my D...not sure if that makes a difference.

8:58 PM [plumcrazy] CRICKET----I am thinking that the mean comments H makes have just become automatic that he doesn’t even think about what he says Kind of like a bad habit. Because earlier today H was watching a stupid show FAMILY GUY (HATE IT!!!) Guy said "If Bill Clinton wanted a pig I would have given him my WIFE" H laughed normal laugh and said that was a BAD joke. That that wasn’t very nice. He was not being sarcastic when he said it

8:58 PM [Cricket] Wiffe - Yes it was me - being the broken record... but you are welcome.

8:59 PM [Lil2Spunki] Cricket - The next big area of work is and will be my patience. I am 7 months post BD and everyday still feels like a challenge in different ways.

8:59 PM [wiffe] Cricket Trying to match emails and reg names to the chat names. Thank you it helped. Even after the talk I still know he is "sick".

8:59 PM [plumcrazy] WIFFE---How are you doing? Any plans for New Years Eve?

8:59 PM [Bluesky] wiffe heed her advice, she is great with it and always right on

8:59 PM [Cricket] MAS - Okay, but I bet your D asked your H first. Still I bet the OW would absolutely hate it if you were to show up looking great, seeming all together and with class and grace.

8:59 PM [geebo2b] all need to go..happy new year I pray that we will all experience breakthroughs in our personal lives with the Lord and with or spouses/ex spouses.. but above all remain faithful to He who remains faithful to us

8:59 PM [faithful] MAS that is good your daughter invited you. Just gracefully decline and thank her. Maybe is a start for reconnection between the two.

8:59 PM [wiffe] All I am just kind of tired of the same statement that I don’t know him. WELL I only know the person he has shared with me for the past 15 years.

9:00 PM [wiffe] Bluesky I'm at H's aunt’s house. with the girls.

9:00 PM [wiffe] He has to go back to light duty tonight  

9:00 PM [MAS] faithful @59: I do hope so.

9:00 PM [Cricket] Wiffe - That's why I mean not to focus on anything they say in those talks. They are such a mess and we need to let things they say go in one ear & out the other. Most of these talks are them in turmoil & their confusion.

9:00 PM [Bluesky] wiffe I was referring to Crickets advice in her emails.

9:00 PM [plumcrazy] CRICKET--Maybe I should go up and try on a DRESS and dress up for NEW YRS EVE. Maybe do makeup? don’t feel like though

9:00 PM [faithful] MAS I pray that it will. Is so nice to have my s27 back and he is even a better son.

9:01 PM [MAS] All: Where did FaithinGod go? Wasn't she facilitating tonight?

9:01 PM [Cricket] Wiffe - THEY all claim we don't know them. It's easier if they think we don't and can't change than to think that we could work these things out.

9:01 PM [Cricket] Plum - YES you should - definitely.

9:01 PM [MAS] faithful @00: That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you!

9:01 PM [wiffe] Cricket I’m DOING good. I am refocused even after that talk.

9:01 PM [Bluesky] wiffe it’s really they don't know what’s going on with themselves not that we don't know them.

9:02 PM [faithful] MAS for over a year I cry for my son and my grandbaby now is my h

9:02 PM [Cricket] Wiffe - GREAT - I just want you to rebuke the enemy and stop letting him plant doubt.

9:02 PM [faithful] MAS God is sure molding me and shaping me.

9:02 PM [wiffe] Cricket Might have to tell me more I'm sure. Just want to say Thank you again.

9:03 PM [Cricket] Plum - If you do dress up and put on makeup - tell your H that you did it to feel good and enjoy the New Year.... But I do think it's a good idea. You'd feel good doing it too.

9:03 PM [Bluesky] wiffe the best thing to do is to keep a folder on your computer with all your emails to refer back to

9:03 PM [Cricket] Wiffe - I understand and glad you know it's because I care.

9:03 PM [MAS] faithful@02: Yes, he is. You are blessed.

9:04 PM [wiffe] All how do I have ESG change my email? I'm thinking of creating a separate account just for MLC

9:04 PM [Cricket] ALL - I'm suppose to meet friends for a New Years Eve Dinner so should go. I got all dressed and ready to go so I could come to chat first.

9:04 PM [plumcrazy] Cricket----H made a comment about coloring his hair. He has the Just for Men. I said "I thought you said men looked distinguished with grey" H said "I don’t want to look distinguished" I let it go. Should I offer to help him with it? I made a BIG mess when I did my hair the 1st time But of course I have more hair than H  

9:04 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - any new year resolutions?

9:04 PM [Lil2Spunki] Cricket - Happy New Years. Enjoy yourself and Thanks!

9:04 PM [Cricket] wiffe - Just send me your new email address and I'll send it to the group.

9:04 PM [hepsy] cricket - thanks for all your advice. Happy New Year!

9:04 PM [swan] wiffe - you just email the new address to Cricket

9:05 PM [Bluesky] Cricket Have a wonderful time. Thanks for being here.

9:05 PM [wiffe] Cricket OK

9:05 PM [wiffe] Happy New Year all.

9:05 PM [plumcrazy] CRICKET---Please be safe on the roads. We need you back here!!!'

9:05 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - My kids and I are going to go through the house, purge junk and do improvement. Still want to continue to lose weight but I never make that a resolution as that is a lifestyle change.

9:05 PM [Cricket] Hepsy - You are welcome. Happy New Year - Praying that the Lord show us many blessings & miracles in the new year.

9:05 PM [MAS] Cricket Have a great time, Cricket! Happy New Year!

9:05 PM [Cricket] Plum - Thanks -luckily I don't have to go far.

9:05 PM [plumcrazy] Cricket----happy new year

9:06 PM [wiffe] Going to go play a game. Chat tomorrow. Hugs and thanks

9:06 PM [faithful] All I have to go and enjoy the cinnamon roll. To all a happy new year and remember who is in control.

9:06 PM [Lil2Spunki] wiffe - Goodnight & Happy New Year!

9:06 PM [Cricket] MAS - I just know one of these days we're going to hear that you got dressed up and went to an event your H invited you to and you left feeling GOOD and confident. I KNOW that day will come... you keep growing more & more and I know your H is seeing this

9:06 PM [plumcrazy] WIFFE ----take care CYA tomorrow

9:06 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - that sounds like a plan. I have so much stuff in my house that just needs to go.

9:07 PM [plumcrazy] Faithful ----Happy NEW YEAR

9:07 PM [Cricket] Lil2Spunki - I agree - Don't believe in those type of resolutions.

9:07 PM [Cricket] Night all - Happy New Year.

9:07 PM [MAS] Cricket Thank you so much. Right now, I'm trying to take things one day at a time.

9:07 PM [hepsy] bluesky - are you planning to stay in your home?

9:07 PM [plumcrazy] ALL---Going to a 50% off sale at Goodwill tomorrow. Plus dropping off some things Been doing New Years [urging

9:07 PM [plumcrazy] purging

9:08 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Yes, it feels good to just clear out the excess and donate. I have some house projects that I would like to do as well. Maybe start working on doing upholstery.

9:08 PM [Bluesky] hepsy yep, though I have been told that I may have to downsize. don't want to.

9:09 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - I have several home projects I need to tackle. My h has stopped doing anything in regards to our home except make mortgage payments.

9:09 PM [hepsy] bluesky - how long have you lived in your home?

9:09 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - ditto. I could paint the entire home in a bright pink and he probably would not bat an eyelash at this point.

9:09 PM [Bluesky] hepsy 15 years. I feel I need to stay here for my d while she is away at school.

9:09 PM [plumcrazy] Hepsy---Didn’t you say you were learning how to fix things? Isn’t that an awesome feeling?

9:10 PM [hepsy] bluesky - I have been in my home for about 14. We had it built. I would have no choice but to downsize if my h chose to leave me.. it is too big for just me.

9:11 PM [Bluesky] hepsy same here.

9:11 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Actually, I think that I will start by painting "my" bedroom ceiling. Our entry could use a coat of paint as well. I have plenty of things to do to kill the next year. Seeing that I will probably have that time available.

9:11 PM [hepsy] plumcrazy - yes.. I am doing some things that I can physically do. Some things I may have to hire out.

9:13 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - well, year 2 I took down the wallpaper in the jack and jill bathroom upstairs.. this year I fixed the drawer in the kitchen and also trimmed several large bushes and chopped down a small tree in our yard.

9:14 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - So you really are Johnny Appleseed's wife then  

9:14 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki -  . The only thing my h notices is the TV . Doesn't matter that the house could be falling down all around us!

9:14 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN---Did you see what I typed about offering to help H color his hair. He was probably surprised I didn’t make a smart comment like I would have in the past. Do you think it would be okay to make that offer?

9:15 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - apparently so!  

9:15 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - At least we know that to be commonality amongst the MLCers. Thank goodness, my entire family is in the trades. I am pretty handy when I need to be and know who to call when I am not.

9:15 PM [swan] plumcrazy - I don't see why it wouldn't be ok to offer to help him with his hair, so long as the coloring his hair is his idea and not because of something you said to him.

9:16 PM [Bluesky] all, I am going to head out. Have a great night. See you all tomorrow.

9:17 PM [Lil2Spunki] Bluesky - Goodnight & Happy New Year!

9:17 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - true. they don't want anything to do with home responsibilities. So annoying.. I have come to accept it though and I don't ask h to do anything to help anymore. He made some smart comment one time that my idea of doing something fun together was doing some sort of house project. Surprised me when he said that.

9:18 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN---Coloring his hair is his idea. I like his salt and pepper hair. But it is his hair and I COLOR mine . SO I can understand his feelings on that We both started going gray when we were younger

9:18 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Seriously. My H made that exact same comment to me. Are you sure that they are not secretly hanging out together. I bet they know each other's private mailbox addresses.

9:20 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki  are you kidding me???

9:21 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Not at all. We have done tons of project together and I always thought that he enjoyed that time. Now all I get is how much he has worked his hinny off. Really, no matter what the MLCer writes the history and we just have to sit back and listen.

9:22 PM [plumcrazy] Lil2spunki---REWRITING history seems to be the MLC H's favorite pastime

9:22 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - same here. my h and I did many a house project. He never complained and acted like he enjoyed it as well. So weird how they remember things differently!!

9:23 PM [Lil2Spunki] plumcrazy - I think that they should become professional writers during MLC. It would be a good secondary income to support the spending that will incur.

9:23 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - I am afraid to find out how much my h has sunk into that jeep project of his.. and it still doesn't run. What a waste..

9:23 PM [plumcrazy] ALL---Now I am thinking about going upstairs and trying on a couple of dresses I bought but have never worn. Think I will do that after chat

9:24 PM [Lil2Spunki] All - Sorry I am in the world of witty tonight. Who likes to spend New Year’s Alone. Might as well laugh about it and poke some fun.

9:24 PM [hepsy] plumcrazy - sounds like a fun idea!

9:25 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Arrrgh. I still have to reply to my H's last email with details. I think that I will do that after chat.

9:26 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - I appreciate your humor! I am thinking about walking down the street and enjoy the fireworks with them.

9:26 PM [dogwood] All-- I find turning on to CNN or news and watching the NY even celebration around the world is part of the fun to rushing in the new year even ALONE. Some church has the all night prayer meeting that rushing the new year which I thought a great idea, if you can find one nearby.

9:26 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - You should simply because you deserve to have some fun!

9:26 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - I am sure you are not excited about that.. I will pray that God gives you the right words to say.

9:27 PM [dogwood] hepsy-- yes, be sure to join the firework if you can. I always find my spirit lifted up watching parade or firework

9:28 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - yes, it will just be the facts. H has the gall to say that bowling sounds like fun. Fun for whom I wonder... the 6 people that he left behind. I will behave and will be looking good.

9:28 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN----I am thinking about why H has been so grumpy all of the sudden the past few days. He had some ED issues and since then had been out of sorts. H was going on about age. I was sure to give him lots of affirmation in that dept and he seemed ok Didn’t really think too much about it but he has been distant in bed, Maybe it bugged him more than I thought

9:28 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - I know you will!! We are all cheering you on!!

9:29 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Tomorrow he will literally be a cake eater as it is S 18th birthday...lol.

9:29 PM [hepsy] Lil2Spunki - girl, you are on a roll!!!

9:29 PM [plumcrazy] Go spunki!!!!!

9:30 PM [hepsy] all - ooh, the time is getting to the end. I wish you all a Happy New Year! I feel blessed to have you all in my life!! Hugs!

9:30 PM [Lil2Spunki] All - I am like the funny angry left behind spouse tonight. Probably should turn over a new leaf with the New Years  

9:30 PM [swan] plumcrazy - could be, when they cannot perform it does tend to feed the insecurities they feel, so they will avoid contact to avoid the reminder of what they cannot achieve.

9:30 PM [plumcrazy] Hepsy----happy new year!!!!

9:30 PM [hepsy] Happy New Year Plum!!

9:31 PM [MAS] Thank you, hepsy. And I wish everyone peace and happiness in the New Year!

9:31 PM [Lil2Spunki] hepsy - Happy New Year. You got my numbers if you need me!

9:31 PM [swan] All - it is time to say goodnight. Guess I will see you all next year. please join us tomorrow afternoon for chat

9:31 PM [hepsy] Happy New Year MAS!

9:32 PM [plumcrazy] SWAN---I think H makes too big of a deal out of it. But if I was a GUY I guess I might feel that way too. Must be frustrating to say the least!!!

9:32 PM [dogwood] All-- happy new year 2011!!

9:32 PM [Lil2Spunki] All - Happy New Year and may God Bless us all in the year 2011!

9:32 PM [hepsy] Happy New Year Dogwood!

9:32 PM [MAS] Have a wonderful night everyone, and I’ll talk to you next year!

9:32 PM [plumcrazy] Happy new year ladies. I wish you a safe and Happy new yr

9:32 PM [swan] plumcrazy - but YOU are not a guy and he is and they think differently than we do, so for him it is a BIG deal, respect that and offer the encouragement you have been.

9:32 PM [hepsy] Happy New Year Lil2Spunki!

8:22 PM [hepsy] km2 - well, I am having a small setback.. Usually I am not worrying about h and trusting the lord. But today I snooped in h's things and found what looks to be a secret mailbox that he has. I am wondering why and of course all kinds of things are going through my head.

8:25 PM [Cricket] Hepsy - STOP STOP STOP - That is the trouble with snooping, you find something that just plants more doubt and leads to pain. It doesn't matter why he may have secrets. Most of them think they want to run but it is their confusion. If we snoop, it just gives them an excuse to leave and blame us for not trusting them. NO SNOOPING

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud