Feel your feelings. One minute you might be expecting that your mate will return any day, and minutes later you might be in tears remembering that your mate said they were leaving and that they were involved with another person. The first temptation of the abandoned person is to deny that abandonment has happening and to hide their true feelings. Denial will not change the reality.
We encourage you to feel your pain, to realize that every one of the emotions that surged through you in the first moments and every moment since then is a normal sensation. In fact, it would be abnormal not to feel those emotions.
Be poised, not pathetic. It’s very different to say, I am a person and I have this problem than to say, I am a problem, and I’ve lost my personhood. The goal is to be a poised person who says to himself or herself, I am a person who has a problem, but I’m going to work toward a solution. Maintain your dignity as a person--refusing to accept the negative messages that the circumstances may seem to be giving you ("you’re inadequate; you’re sexually deficient; you’re dumb"). Realizing that these are false messages.
Conway / Farrel Articles ~ Reprint by permission only, ©2011
Midlife Dimensions ~ www.Midlife.com
The Conways and Farrels are international speakers and popular authors.
Midlife Dimensions is a ministry founded by the Conways and continued by the Farrels.