The Sexaholic usually has lived so long in a fantasy world that they have developed an entirely separate person. This second personality is a “Fantasy Self”â€”almost entirely focused on make-believe, fantasy, daydreamingâ€”the "unreal".
The sexual addict lives life as a type of Don Quixote, who imagines himself as a famous and powerful knight, or ____________, that disgusting little man who lives out all sorts of the bizarre fantasies.
The “Fantasy Self”, filled with lust, imagination, and sexual addiction, does two things to the addict. First, this fake self allows lust to gradually becomes more and more powerful. It takes energy from developing the real self, or real relationships.
Second, the “Fantasy Self” takes on an identity all of its own, and begins to separate from the real self. Sometimes their separation is so extreme that the real self doesn't even know that the fantasy sexually addicted self even exists.
When the addict is living in the "fantasy self", they find it hard to believe that they really have another personality who has responsibilities to marriage, to children, to work, or to the Christian community.
I remember one man who was massively sexually addictedâ€”affairs all of his life, his speech was continually sexually toxic, he would rub his chest against women’s breasts as he hugged them in the foyer of his church. Additionally, he had repeatedly sexually molested his own granddaughter's.
His problem was so offensive that his own sisters had confronted him because he had sexually molested one of them. He always excused himself by saying, "I'm just overly sexed." He was a salesman who went to private homes to sell his products, and he constantly hit on the women in their homes. Several women filed complaints with the local police department. But his wife steadfastly defended him, saying that the women were mistaken, or that they had identified the wrong man.
This man's “Addicted Self” had so totally separated from his real self that he was able to be a choir director in his local church, a Sunday School teacher, and even a deacon.
In his later years, whenever he was confronted about his sexual acting out, he would totally deny it. In fact, he would always tell his accusers that they must have some sort of sexually bizarre imagination to even suggest that he could have done any of these evil things. He went to his grave in total denial about his sexual addiction, and his horrible acting out. This man was my father.
As you firmly confront your addiction you will gradually change. The two separate pieces of your personality will come together. There will no longer be a "dark side" of your life. As you continue to walk in God’s light and sexual sobriety, you will feel better about yourselfâ€”no more hiding, no more trying to remember what you said the last time you lied.
Yes it's hard work to work the program, but yes, you are increasingly becoming a whole person as you walk in honesty.
Conway / Farrel Articles ~ Reprint by permission only, ©2011
Midlife Dimensions ~ www.Midlife.com
The Conways and Farrels are international speakers and popular authors.
Midlife Dimensions is a ministry founded by the Conways and continued by the Farrels.